My 12 year old daughter has told me numerous times she hates her father and wants him to be kicked out of the house. He is a very self centered man who spends little to no time with her but then likes to tell me every now and then I am alienating him. He has been increasingly distant and does not take advice (like saying to chat to her more and show an interest in what she does) well. My relationship with him is quite rocky due to him controlling but I have always encouraged her relationship with him. She is quite insistent that she hates him and I have asked if there is anything deeper to it but she says there isn't and she just doesn't like him as a person.
I'm not sure what to do. Personally I'd love him gone but don't want my issues with him to ruin a father/daughter relationship.
12 year old hates her father
12 year old hates her father
Posted in:
Kids
65 Replies
You’re welcome. It’s very frustrating for me to read the DV victim has to move and if we don’t it’s our own fault. I’d recommend as someone else suggested 1800 respect. They have an online chat service that you might be able to try and chat with someone for extra support and advise when privacy allows. Gather all legal documents as well (birth certificate etc) and if you have a friend you still have contact with get them to look after them. A protection order is a great idea but I didn’t find it best for my situation. It made things worse for me.
If you really want him gone then you can contact police and explain the situation and have someone available when you ask him to leave. This is station based as some will help but I’ve found some don’t want to unless you get the DV order as well. This is what I did and he was very cooperative when cops were present and he packed his stuff and left. The texts afterwards didn’t make me feel great calling me every name under the sun and telling me it was a ‘dog acts’ to get the cops involved. But the relief after he was gone is unexplainable. Oh yes I felt guilt and I felt sad but for once I felt like I could breath in my own home.
We struggled for a bit and my mind was a mess of guilt and remorse and happiness and well lots of feelings but I just got a psychologist and talked it though and after a while I realised I made so many poor excuses for staying in such a crappy situation and just how unhealthy it was in general.
You don’t realise how bad it is while living in it and after a while you can almost work out when it started. (Usually at the very beginning of the relationship).
None of this is your fault. You’ll be okay beautiful mumma!! You’re got this. Gather your strength. Pick up the phone and make the call that will chance your life!!! If you’re working pull your boss aside (I bet for the first time ever) explain the situation and use their phone to call the police and have a chat. Trust me when the boss knows they won’t tell you no. You CAN do this babe!!
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Then get your daughter in the car with your stuff and get out ASAP.. go stay somewhere where you can think and have a clear head. Turn your phone off so he can’t contact you. Make all the calls you need while your away from the situation and have a clear head. Take that time for you and your daughter and plan your next move with professional help. Stop putting excuses in h the way because if he is that bad there is always a way. I’d rather sleep in my car than deal with a pig like that! anything it takes then do it!!
If he was as controlling as you say like being tracked, you wouldn't be here contemplating kicking him out. Controlling people can't be just kicked out. You would be asking how to escape. You would also wouldn't be wondering why your child doesn't like her father, you would already know.
So many comments here from the same woman , clearly using similar keywords in every single response, but thinks she knows better because she assumes she is highly experienced and superior that if DV victims Dont do it exactly her way and think identically the same as how she dealt with it, and bleets on that they are alienators and bull shit spinners , then it 'must' be them that are the problem.
Sounds like Shes the one who needs immediate help, not the Poster. How you can slam another DV woman for reaching out makes you look pathetic. You clearly have very angry mental health issues going on. It's time you left social media for a while and go simmer the fuck down.
OP i think you should edit your post to add all your other responses in the original as it explains a lot more because just reading the original on its own can come across wrong to some sensitive ppl and trigger them to blame you. Your follow- up responses include more info though. Add them xx
She isn't reaching out? She's asking if she should kick her husband out because her daughter doesn't like him.
It does come across as shes waiting for something huge to feel allowed to leave him. She asked the daughter if there was something, telling herself there needs to be what, already proven physical abuse? Is that really where youve moved the line to now? So to me, yes she sounds really confused with the whole thing, which is also very common to be worn down to this level of low standards and ideas all over the place.
I just regret ever posting in the first place now. It's too much
When it gets out of hand like this, delete it, regroup, refocus your question and post a new one. Please dont regret posting, theres clearly an issue with in your mind and your household that you need to work through.
This whole thread hurts my heart 😔
If someone says they're experiencing abuse within their relationship - you have absolutely NO RIGHT to insinuate they're lying, call them out on things because YOU don't think they make sense and I cannot stress this one enough, you have NO RIGHT to blame them and tell them they aren't experiencing DV properly.
Especially in these scenarios where it's all anonymous and you don't even know who's on the other side!
Imagine if there's other DV victims reading this? I can't imagine they'd be inspired to reach out here after the foul attacks the OP of this post has received.
Honestly, some of the behaviour here is abhorrent and if you think I'm referring to you, you should probably take a long hard look at yourselves.
I thought it was common knowledge not to come to this page for help. You never get any. It’s just a place for women that hate their lives to rip people apart but not have to take accountability for what they have said. That’s why the answers on the Facebook page are very different.
I've always received good help to be honest
I agree, it looks like one very angry woman on a victim blaming rant on this thread, and if this situation was her own she would want all the sympathy in the World.
I met my step dad when I was 2. I have no memories ofa time when I didn't live with him. I hated him with a passion from the moment I met him. The things I said to him at that age shock me because I don't really remember things before about 3.5
I always hated him though. To be explicitly clear, no-one in my life influenced me to hate him. He was an amazing man who always cared for me and showed an interest in my life. I simply hated him because I wanted my dad to live with us and I saw him as the reason my family wasn't what I wanted. FYI, my dad cheated. My step dad wasn't the barrier and I knew that but blamed him anyway. I continued to hate him until I had children and I saw the way he loved and interacted with them. He's a more active grandpa than my own dad (who I'm also close to).
Maybe your daughter really does hate her dad because she sees him as the reason her home life is tense and unhappy? In her case, that perception may even be correct? If you are staying to foster their relationship, it's not working. Maybe you would be better separating? Who knows, changing the family structure may also change the dynamic as he'll be more likely to be involved when she goes to him if he is the only parent there?
Your saying your issues with him to ruin it? It sounds like it’s already ruined. So why don’t you get her and go and just maybe he will have a better relationship with every one.
Your issues have already ruined the relationship, what exactly do you have to lose?
Imagine what you will gain!