I'm currently at a place where I want to leave my Husband and though there is no immediate danger while I keep my thoughts on the down low I know once he gets wind of my plans he will not let me take our son (2 years old) or properly even see my son until court orders are in place. (will take sons passport or cut it up so he cannot take him outside Australia)
Is it wrong of me if I make plans to leave him and take our son while he is occupied at work/classes etc? I don't want to do this to my son take him away from his father and I'm more then happy to discuss when my son is older 8-10 for him to have primary custody (once I know my son can look after himself and wipe his own bum if you get what I mean).
Currently I know that my husband cannot look after our son, yes he has fun with him but he doesn't do any of the real duties that come to looking after the child even though he is always around. Hasn't even changed a nappy since he was 1 month old aka once the novelty wore off.
The main reason i'm leaving is because I don't see a future, I'm emotionally wreaked and I'm not physically or emotionally attracted to my husband. Hubby has always been a bit chubby and I didn't mind that but now he has gotten chubbier and has become emotionally abusive towards me especially when we are are in conflict (or doing something that he doesn't think is correct). Initially I just took it in my stride as I also yelled back and wasn't the best wife but now even small things and he starts calling me names or acting like a king demanding things done etc. Even when he asks me a question sometimes and I give him the answer he tells me to shut up. Even times when things are all good what he does in those moments I can get over it and don't want to touch him or do anything with him.
So is it wrong for me to take my son, and in secret? I know big problems will come if I tell him to his face I'm leaving and take our son. Yes I can leave by myself but why should I when I've been the main carer for our son emotionally and financially.
Is is wrong of me to take my son.
Is is wrong of me to take my son.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt
6 Replies
It is not wrong at all! You do what you have to do. I would do exactly the same thing as you are planning to. I would have everything organised so that all I have to do is walk out the door with your child.
You are doing it the safest way possible. Don't feel guilty, for keeping you and your baby safe.
I don't agree with taking a child away with their father as I think they play an important role but of you are scared about his reaction to leaving then I think trust your instincts. That is when things can get out of hand. If he has threatened to "keep your child" if you leave I would certainly take that seriously being that your son is only 2... The only thing is I don't know your background. Have you been a stay at home mum? If you are the only thing he knows then I would not let your husband have the chance to uproot your sons whole life by taking away his main carer... The minute you leave I would be calling and arranging mediation though so that if you do have to withhold it's not for too long. You will also have the comfort in knowing you will get him back. Good luck...
(Questioner here) Bit of Background - I am a SAHM also main financial provider (parenting payment), grandparents do help out financially in relation to accommodation etc. Also when his parents are here (they live else where) they look after him but 90% its me looking after him doing all the things you do to care for toddlers.
I do not trust that my husband will give me access to my child if I leave (and he has asked me to leave but to leave my son) and be able to give him the best care until he sorts himself out (studies, gets job) and until my son can toilet/ feed himself. Currently i've given up on toilet training my child ever while I'm in this relationship, the yelling and frustration I get from him if my son does a accident its too much to bear.
Thus until that time I do want to be the main carer of my son as well not allowing him access unless someone I know who will stick up for me is there to take my son back from him or I can call the police to get him back.
I say do what you have to then... Terrible to think kids won't have accidents it is all new to them. Just so you know you have no stance with police if he withholds as they do not involve themselves with family law so be really careful. Only way you are protected is to have a parenting plan/order in place first. Then he has no option but to rerun him. Definately contact legal aid as soon as you leave and get things formally sorted. Good luck
Seek legal advice first. Legal aid is free for one party of the relationship! whoever gets in first or seek a reputable family law firm - Mc Clarens in Sydney or merrylands are excellent. Normally after you leave there will need to be parenting orders such as custody arrangements - every 2nd weekend visitations for dad etc. are you prepared to do this? Unless the child is in danger courts will award visitation. You can do it without court if both parents agree to visitation etc, I did this, the father never took it to court. Good luck x
I'm going to be very blunt here. Run and don't look back take your son and move. Then seek legal advise Move town of possible. Get settled and get your son into a routine. Have money set aside to get yourself set up. Document everything dates and times screenshot any text messages keep all documents in a safe place.
Forget all the people that say it's unfair on the father of you take the child away I can guarantee that they haven't been in a stiuation similar to yours and are happily married or the fathers ain't on the birth certificate so these fathers have no legal grounds to stand on. I've been in your position before and it was the best thing I could do for my children. I ran and never looked back after getting settled I made an application to the courts. To this day I still have my son and he doesn't see he's dad we are currently in court atm my son almost 2.