I had my second child 10 months ago, in a very physically and psychologically traumatic birth (made worse by the nasty Midwife, but that's another story), followed by mistakes by other medical professionals that made it impossible for me to breastfeed past the 5 weeks I managed. My husband and I were always content to have 2 children, but in the last month or two I've been feeling like I want a 3rd. Problem is, I obsess and think about the traumatic birth (and loss of breastfeeding)constantly (seeing a Psychiatrist for that), and I'm worried that the reason I want a 3rd child is to have a chance to do the whole birth and breastfeeding again, this time with a lot more knowledge from what I've learnt, and with as little medical intervention as possible, basically I want to do it my way. Because of this, I feel like my wanting a 3rd is for the wrong reasons. I've spoken to the husband about it, and he says sometimes he feels like he wants a 3rd too, but that he's not 100% sure, so he is unsure how he feels about it too. I don't know if this is just a temporary feeling because of what happened to me, or if I'll always want a 3rd. I'm not young either, so I can't leave it too long to decide. I also worry because sometimes I do feel content with just the two amazing blessings I have. Am I just longing to replace the bad memories with a positive experience or am I genuinely not finished having children? How will I know? Has anyone been in a similar situation before?
3 Replies
It could also be that your hormones have kicked back in after your last baby.
I think you have to take into account how you would feel if things didn't go as you plan with the next birth. Unfortunately we just can't control for everything so although it's nice to have more knowledge and a birth plan sometimes it just isn't going to go that way, no matter what we do. Not wanting to be a negative Nancy but mind of the reality of childbirth as I'm sure your aware.
I think people generally just 'know' when they are done, for alot of reasons too. Sometimes they cant have more for medical/physical reasons, cant financially afford another one, wouldnt be able to cope with another etc etc.
If you can have another for all the reasons above and hubby does too then go for it!
But it does kinda sound like maybe you are chasing an ideal. You maybe had an image or expectaion of how it was going to be and feel its 'unfinished.'
And the truth is, theres no guarantee the next birth will go as planned either-they rarely do.
Ask yourself- do you want another *child*? Or are you just thinking about the birth/newborn stage?
Maybe give it a couple of months and see how strong the urge is then
My 2nd child was conceived for pretty much the same reasons you have outlined. I mean, I was always going to have a 2nd, but I felt that bit more urgency about it because of my traumatic first birth and breast feeding problems.
Well, as it turned out I DID get to BF long-term second time around. However, the birth was even MORE traumatic in some respects. I almost died from a haemorrhage.
Although this is clearly a worst-case-scenario situation, I think sometimes the "healing" birth you want to have does not go as planned.
Be very sure you want to have a third child for reasons OTHER than this. The birth is only the first day of his/her life and you will then have at least 18 years of child-rearing ahead! Ask yourself how you will cope if the birth is not ideal. If you've had obstetric complications in the past the odds are high you may have them again (no matter what spin the home-birthing community puts on it).