Please help. I have 3 young children, all who are up to date with their immunisations. My best friend has decided that they are not going to immunise their baby because they have read a heap of articles saying the needles are full of toxins etc and are bad. Our older children are friends also and we see them all the time. The problem is that I am very much pro vaccination and my husband is a Immunologist. He is adamant that if they don't vaccinate, then they are no longer welcome in our home and that we have nothing to do with them anymore. I want to agree with him because I don't want to be around un-vaccinated people, but these are our friends. What would other IMs do in this situation?
Would you end a friendship over Children's Vaccinations?
Would you end a friendship over Children's Vaccinations?
Posted in:
Self Care, Health & Wellbeing, Baby & Toddler, Kids
19 Replies
It's a tough one but I see not vaccinating as not caring about others. They are happy to spread diseases and potentially put those who are too young to be vaccinated at risk. Not particularly caring in my eyes so I would probably go with your husbands view on this one.
Show her this article
http://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/dear-parents-you-are-being...
Her actions are potentially putting your family in danger, that is enough for me to call the friendship off. It may sound harsh but that's how strongly I feel about it.
Well your kids are probly around othe in immunised kids a bit but you don't know, when I was researching it my sister said my son wouldn't be aloud near hers if I didn't , it broke my heart
And it's not fair to say people don't care about others, rightly or wrongly they feel they are protecting their child-the same as you
Good luck with what you decide but just try to remember your kids are around other non vaccine kids without your knowledge
Although I myself am "pro vaccinations" I don't believe that people who choose not to vaccinate just "don't care" as previous poster put it! How rude! I think there is some proof that the needles do contain toxins and there is no knowing what could come of these toxins. I also know people who truly believe it has caused autism in their children. All i'm trying to say is you can't be angry for other peoples choices as all they are trying to do is what is best for their child/children. However, I think they should be kept separate perhaps from children who have been fully immunised. I agree with your husband. Talk to your friend and be honest. Print out some documents or even get your hubby to talk to her (you might be able to change her mind) if not then I think it's best the kids are kept apart. It is sad though ):
Actually the amount of toxins in the vaccinations is so tiny they are not in big enough quantities to do any harm. A lot of those so called toxins, our own body produces in greater amounts than are in the vaccinations. Some of those so called toxins exist in nature in far greater amounts than in the vaccinations. A good example of this is formaldehyde. Our own body produces it and it's also naturally occurring in pears in relatively large amounts.
There are childeren who are allergic to vaccines or have immune deficiency a that your kids probly go to school with, should those kids not have friends ? I understand you concern but don't think it's worth throwing away your friendship when you kids are around non vac kids anyways xx
Firstly, vaccinations don't prevent your child from ever catching a disease - they lessen the severity and symptoms if the disease is caught. I would suggest you talk to your friend and just ask that if her kids are ever sick, to let you know so you can stay away while they are getting over the illness, and in turn you do the same for them. Everyone spreads germs, not just unvaccinated children. My friend and I both vaccinate our children, but if either of our kids are sick we cancel our play date until fully recovered. It's common sense really. You cannot change her mind, this is her child not yours. The reality is that less and less parents are vaccinating, and as a previous poster commented - your children could be socialising with unvaccinated children without your knowledge already. At the end of the day it's your decision, but i feel that ending a friendship over a personal decision like that is a little harsh.
I personally dont think you have any right to expect her to vaccinate. That is a decision for her to make. Stopping a friendship for this reason tells me you probably arent someone I would want to be friends with anyway...
Before judging someone on their choices with parenting make sure you have never made a choice your friends disagree with.
Alot of people dont immunise and even though I do and have with all my children I have no right to judge someone elses choices on the way they parent their children and im sorry but neither do you!!
Vaccinating shouldn't be a parental issue, it should be a social one. Yes your children will be around unvacced children anyway because there will always be someone who can't be but they have no choice and they rely on vaccinated children to help stop them from contracting a potentially serious disease. If you can vaccinate and don't you are causing more harm to your child and society at large than good. All the bad press about vaccines has been disproven over and over and yet people still don't believe it. I knew someone who had polio as a kid and I don't want my grandchildren to be in danger of the same thing because people listen to a celebrity. If you're so worried about toxins in vaccines then don't ever eat a pear!
Part of the issue is that some illnesses are more contagious before any symptoms are noticeable. So although it's polite to stay at home when your child is sick it's often already too late to stop the spreading of the illness. Also yes some kids can't be immunised and those kids need everyone else to be vaccinated to protect them. Once the numbers of vaccinated drop below a certain level we are all (even the vaccinated) are at risk.
I couldn't knowingly be around people don't vaccinate and don't have a medical reason. I agree with your husband.
Thanks for your input ladies. I have tried everything I know of. Printed out articles, Hubby has explained everything to them but they are dead set that vaccines are a massive danger and conspiracy thing all because some woman has basically filled their head with nonsense. My hubby KNOWS what goes in to vaccines and the impact that not vaccinating has on inderviduals AND society. He also KNOWS how they work. I think that he is more qualified to make an educated decision on vaccine safety than a stay at home mum with access to google and yet they are still saying No! Brainwashed much? I just don't get it. :-/
With all due respect , perhaps the way you try to get her to change her mind made her not listen, my kids are vaccinated but I fence sat researched and talked to a lot of people, and to be honest people who spoke to me Condeswnding , brash and totally bias to their own preference I didn't listen to a word they had to say .
If your addenda is to change her mind it won't work with most people, people are receptive when your agenda is to understand them to accept their decisions, then she might be more willing to discuss it and perhaps see your view
That's what I read could have been the case as your husband sounds very inflexible with discussion, as said your kids will be around in vac kids without your knowledge anyways , is she a good friend in everything else? Do your kids get along? If yes Rey aren't a some a dozen I wouldn't give it up , I have a few very close friends who don't immunise and it's all good, my daughter is immunised so I don't worry.
Good luck and try to remember that you always catch more bees with honey than vinigar :) x
There's a common misconception about immunisation. Immunisation doesn't safeguard your daughter from those who are unvaccinated. The flu vaccine changes every year because it mutates, it mutates because it is so prevalent so it has opportunity to adjust itself when faced with barriers. This is the same with standard immunisations. The more people who don't immunise the more chance there is of a disease mutating and having the vaccine rendered ineffective. These diseases have been made less severe or eradicated thanks to vaccines but now there are outbreaks of diseases that we vaccinate against appearing in the areas where vaccination rates are too low, it doesn't take much for a mutation to happen. Having even 15% - 20% of the population unvaccinated is too risky for everyone. The dangers are very real but people just aren't understanding. How do you explain something that someone has no experience of? How do you explain the scope and urgency? Even people who do vaccinate need more education on it because too many people are too blasé about the people who don't vaccinate. Don't think it's ok because you vaccinate, and that it doesn't matter if no one else, because it does matter. It matters a lot.
What I ment by my daughter is immunised so I dot worry is , I worry about my own family and our decisions, not other peoples
As I said I did all the research I could do while pregnant I spoke with doctor friends nurse friends doctors at the clinic read a million things
There is common misconceptions about everything and I'm just saying from the other point of view they see themselves as right also and it's their kid you can't make a decision for them
If you genuinely beleive something to be detrimental to your child and someone came along and said your an uneducated idiot and you have to do it my way cos this is what I beleive , HOW WOULD YOU FEEL, my point was if people had more empathy and less of their own agendas better discussion could be had
Unfortunately, no matter how you explain this, die hard believers will always feel like they are being attacked. It's the subject. No one wants to be told something they believe is not only wrong but dangerous, no one wants to feel like they have been fooled. Especially when it comes to parenting.
One of the most important things everyone needs to realise is something that was said above. Vaccination is not a personal issue, it is a social one. Your actions regarding vaccinations do affect others.
I personally would not end a friendship. I do vaccinate with a few exceptions. My son is completely up to date with his vaccinations. I have no expectation that other friends and family should vaccinate to reduce risk for my son. I don't think it's your friend not caring. I think she as an adult has weighed up the information she has access to and decided it's not right for her family.
I think relationships are more important and to the IM who said she is happy enough taking care of her own family to not concern herself with the running of someone else's - totally agree with you on all your points.
My daughter who is fully vaccinated goes to school and most of them are vaccinated as it is a requirement at her school however she does have a friend who isnt vaccinated because of their illness, and their immune system is compromised. I let my daughter play with this child in fact they are quite good friends. Children who arent vaccinated are going to get alot sick er than the ones who are.
My children are vaccinated. However I have a friend who does not. I'm sorry but you sound prejudiced and judgemental when you say you wont be friends if they don't vaccinate.
This will sound harsh but I feel that you would be teaching your children discrimination at a very young age because you don't agree with something.
Isn't the right to have a different choice and opinion what makes us who we are?
Sure there are risks but you have limited the risks because you did vaccinate. Some of the diseases we vaccinate are terrible and can be life threatening yes. But there are also worse things in the world.