Long story cut short!
I relocated with my son (previous relationship) with my OH to NSW. My OH has lived in NSW going on 15 years he has 2 children from previous relationship! It's been 4 years and 2 children together later, since I left WA! I'm about ready to move back. I'm homesick! I've sacrificed everything! I miss all my family and friends and I have absolutely no support network in NSW! Would you return home permanently knowing fully well ur OH will decide to move later down the track?! I feel my kids deserve to be surrounded with family, just how I was brought up...not secluded...I'm not afraid to be doing the 'single mummy' thing while we're apart...but I'm unsure as to when and if my OH would actually make the move also and relocate! I'm tired of having my life set to a routine based on his exs schedule and have absolutely no say as to when also...my OH works nights so obviously sleeps during the day, leaving me to look after his children when it suits them...(there is a lot behind this story but would be a novel) lol
Would u move back to home state without your OH due to his work commitments and other?!
Would u move back to home state without your OH due to his work commitments and other?!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Parenthood Guilt
8 Replies
I think your playing a dangerous game. Firstly the move would deprive your children of the most important family member in their lives other than you, which is their father. They would rather have dad than 100 cousins, aunts and grandparents.
Also forcing someone to move could very well back fire! He could say no, and take you to court and have the kids dragged back. You may think he will roll over and play dead now but when people feel tricked or forced into something they have a tendency to turn nasty. Imagine if a dad was writing this question, what would you think?
Just because you were brought up a certain way it doesn't mean your kids are somehow going to be damaged by not having that life.
It's time to have some very open discussions with him. Relationships are about compromise and so actually discuss a plan with a deadline on when you can move together as a family. Wether that's 2 years away or 5 years away. If he is not prepared to discuss then it's time to have really big heart to heart. Unfortunately though even if you separate you won't just be able to take the kids interstate to live without his permission.
I understand what your saying, I've dealt with court proceeding and relocation orders etc with my ex. my OH and I are very open and have discussed all this, we knew our lives were in 2 different states, he has said if I am unhappy in NSW then I am able to move back with the children. I'm not forcing him to move and he's not forcing me either to stay or go. We had a deadline, but he keeps dragging it on. He may be the most important person in their lives but they are not his first priority. No matter what he's doing, he will always say he's busy doing something else whether it be watching the rest of the news or flipping thru channels, instead of helping me with the kids.
I've compromised in and out...I look after his child to a woman he had an affair with lol I didn't write my entire story on the post as it'll be a complete novel lol
Our relatiobahip is complicated and yes I do love him but I also want to feel i am giving my children the best life they can have, even if that requires having their father visit from different states...but of course with every sacrifice no one is fully happy...:)
Given that extra information I would go then. You've done your best he has shown he has made no commitment to genuinely moving so go make yourself happy :)
Do what is going to make you happiest. If that meaning going back to your home state then go for it. Best of luck.. :)
Without a doubt I would. But in saying that it depends on your relationship.
My mum has a bigger role in my daughters life than my hubby due to his choice (prioritising other stuff before family life) so I would definitely choose my mum's help over hubby's help. Don't get me wrong, we love each other but he just isn't as involved in my daughter's life as I would want.
I feel that people treat you exactly the way you let them. I believe your partner should always be your first priority. I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't put me first, but this is my opinion & I understand everyone is different. My husband has just packed up his life in the only town he has ever known & moved to the other side of the country, because I wanted to. He has given up his family, job & friends to support me. I have left my 2 teenage sons in the care of their dad, & will see them on school holidays. My husband & I are a team. It doesn't sound like you guys are much of a team. I would leave. Best of luck with it all hun xx
I did exactly what ur husband did for you for my partner
I probably wouldn't. Not sure if id be able to cope not living with my hubby, I actually feel sad thinking about it. I get where you are coming from though, I would miss my family terribly especially my mum. Can you sit down with him and discuss your feelings, see if he can get another job so you can move back together? You obviously can't stay where you are now if you're not happy.