I am finding it increasingly hard to deal with the way people treat me. I am always friendly to people at school/kinder pick ups, meetings etc... But I find that people are always cool towards me and nobody ever speaks to me unless I speak first. My own sister-in-law included. Today I tried to make conversation with a mum by asking her how her preppie is going at school, she said "Yeah good" and turned away from me to talk to someone else. It happens all the time and I am struggling to not burst into tears in front of people. I have always been an outsider, I wasn't popular in school. My own best friend even does it; she ignores birthday invitations to my children's birthdays, and invites other families to her children's birthday parties, and never invites me or my kids. I never ask why or bother explaining how I feel; I wouldn't ever dream of saying anything that would upset someone or make them feel uncomortable. How does everyone else seem to fit in, while I am standing on the outside wondering what is wrong with me that no one wants anything to do with me?
9 Replies
You are not alone in those feelings. There are other people that also feel rejected and don't fit in, who are not loved and respected by so called friends. Take a deep breath and think, who does love and respect you? I imagine your child adores you! What about your partner, does he adore you too? Other family members? Most importantly, do you love and respect yourself? I get the feeling you are struggling with that because your "own best friend" is not a true friend if she treats you so badly. I understand what you are going through as I am going through it myself but finally I have decided I am no longer going to try to make friends around me. I have lived here for over a decade and while I did make a handful of friends, they all ended up turning sour. Women can be tough! .... the term "frenenemies" comes to mind. So now I remind myself to be grateful and content with the unconditional love of my two gorgeous children, my beautiful amazing husband, my Dad who I adore, and my little circle of friends from high school who I catch up with once a year usually, as they live far away. I am also developing more awareness of loving myself and that includes not putting up with behaviour from others that is disrespectful. You must learn to love and approve of yourself despite the external world. Nothing outside of you is reliable; learn to nurture yourself and feel good about who you are. You are a beautiful, wonderful, amazing person and I know that because you make an effort to converse, you are open to new friendships and you are "always friendly". This year I have decided to practice "I speak my truth", which means that sometimes other people may feel upset or uncomfortable, their reaction is out of my control, assuming I own my feelings about what I need to say. Perhaps read some info on how to be assertive; for me I realise that the reason I did not speak my truth in the past was because their love and approval was more important to me than me ... this is a recipe for disaster, as I have come to realise because when I am not being myself, its like a part of me is dead. Not anymore, I am choosing to live life on my terms and letting go of the need for friends. If it happens, great but I am no longer looking around for it. I just want to love and appreciate myself and those that do love me. All the best with everything and stay strong in yourself. You deserve better!
I know exactly how you feel. I would quite often stand in the corner alone and would on the odd occasion have someone speak to me. Last day of school last year I sat there alone while the other parents talked in their "cliques". eventually had a teacher come over and talk to me and said how it was hard to make friends as parents at school and as time goes on new parents will come and you have an opportunity to make friends.
What I'm trying to get at here is regardless of what others around you do it's not always the end of being able to have that group of friends we all desire. There are plenty of places you could - join a gym, maybe learn a new skill like art or something else. Use this as an opportunity to not only make a new friend or a couple but also as a way to make a possitive change with in yourself. One other thing I have learnt, me being extremely socially awkward, is to put yourself out there. Start off with an invitation of coffee and cake if you click with someone and take it further from there. It's like dating but instead making friends.
It saddens me to hear this. If your friend really is your best friend, you need to talk to her about all of the things in your relationship together that upsets you. What you are basically saying is that it's ok for you to be hurt so it doesn't hurt her. If she is a true friend, she would not want you to be hurt by her actions.
Perhaps the school is not the place for friendships for you - I suggest you seek out someone away from the school environment - perhaps a parent at one of your kid's extra-curricular activities or take up a hobby you enjoy to meet like minded people. You do need to speak up and get past asking one question - if you ask a few questions and get one worded responses constantly then move on... not the right person for you. Their loss not yours.
It is difficult making friends especially if everyone around you has been friends for a long time but keep trying - you are worth getting to know. Everyone else out there just needs to know that too.
Im almost in tears i feel like i wrote this ive lived in my town for 3 years and havnt made any friends and when i do start to make one they move my hubby has just started working away so i feel more alone then ever so big hug hopefully we can both make some friends soon ox
This is me too, except I have lived here for 7 years. After I had my daughter 4 years ago I haven't been able to make any other mummy friends. I've joined several mummy groups but they all move on in their own little circles and I'm not included. The ones I thought were nice and could potentially be a friend have all moved away too. It has been a lonely few years. I feel for you. I am in Gracemere, if you are in the area perhaps we could meet?
People always treat me like a chewed up piece of gum on the ground but its like i know 4 people that i have known since i was 3. Eileen, Sara, Armaan, and Arian. Eileen and the boys always used to go to dinner and the movies with me but for some reason the boys always hang out but Eileen only hangs out with me when sara and my BFF is gone. so their was this problem Eileen had with me so she stole all my friends to make sure i was lonely. sonia, Madiha, and Urooj. she put Urooj and me in a fight and now she is my BFF again but more of Eileen's friend and when Sara is gone she hangs out with her but when Urooj is gone she tries to hang out with me so she isn't bored. they always make fun of me because i cant do a backflip in the water but they dont make fun of anyone else if they aren't fast runners. my sister is 21 and she is so popular and im 11 and no one wants anything to do with me. Please help! Every minute counts!! ::::( P.S. they also tease me because i like to sing a lot
I can really relate to what you're going through. I'm the same age as you, and was ditched by so-called best friends twice.
The first time was because I attempted to join an existing friendship when I was new in the school. As I felt that friends could rant to each other without being judged, I ranted to them.
Turns out, I was 'treating them badly' and they left me devastated and crying myself to sleep.
The second time, I hadn't learnt my lesson and attempted to join another friendship.
We played an online game together, and gave each other our usernames and passwords so we could help each other out with the game. I respected their privacy and logged onto their accounts only when I was requested to - but it seems that they logged into my accounts sneakily and swore, resulting in temporary bans for me. When I questioned them about it, they denied logging into my account.
Eventually, we separated from each other and I was sent for counselling due to my visible changes in mood (I used to be a mostly happy kid who got angry easily but I am now a moody teen who has mostly learnt to hide my anger.)
I hope you are having a good time and good luck with making friends! :)
Wow I have felt invisible my whole life,with friend and family members,I am attractive and intelligent what is going on,😯
Oh my god I wish I knew !, it's 1am and I've been out today talked to a doctor for an hour who made life seem so simple ...... with all the best intentions but I have done all that and more does anybody who is popular have any idea what it's like !!!!!
I then went to dinner, my treat, of course lol lol with my daughter and granddaughter who joined together to just say "oh, mum" and "you're weird" ..........
Every word that everybody said today has been played and replayed ten times over and still I feel worthless and totally misunderstood. I'm staying home again tomorrow so I can love myself on my own terms.