Ok I'm in a bit of a tricky situation... My ex and I split when my son was 4 weeks old.
After he left he didn't really visit at all and almost 2 years later has only seen his son about 3 times since he left and only for a few hours each time. He has recently moved closer (3 hours away) and is planning to be more involved with his son.
I started a new relationship when my son was 6 months old and this man is truely amazing. Helped me out with night feedings, nappy changes, meals, housework and bath time. He's been loving and supportive since the get go always spoiling my son and spending heaps of quality time with him.
My ex never calls/texts to see how his son is. He never makes contact unless I initiate conversation through text.
My son has started talking a fair bit and calls my partner dad (me and my whole family also refer to my current partner as dad). My ex also wants to be called dad and his family encourage my son to call my ex dad.. My son doesn't even remember him and won't go to him. He's hardly shown an interest in our son since he was born... Where as my partner has been such an amazing loving an caring father to him..
I don't want to hurt my current partner by referring to my ex as 'dad' when I talk to my son..
And I also don't want to hurt my ex's family (who have always loved and spent time with my son despite the split) by referring to my partner as dad instead of their son..
Please help.. I don't know what to do.
5 Replies
I normally only endorse the biological parents being called mum and dad. I'm a step mum and have been for over 10 years and since my stepdaughter was only 22 months old. She only ever calls me by my name and her step dad by his name as I feel it is disrespectful to the parents, they are their parents and have earns the right to be called mum and dad. But that all changes in situations like yours. The biological father choose not to be in the child's life and in my eyes looses that respect. I would go by your sons lead and do whatever he seems comfortably with. Good luck
I think because he's the biological dad and that won't change, he can call him dad. Even though he may learn hes a shit one, it's his dad.
He can also call your partner dad as you've chosen and exs vacancy means he doesn't get a say in that in this instance because he wasn't there.
Write a letter, to your exes family. Explain how you feel.
Normally I am for calling the bio father dad, and step dad can be some other name. But in this case I think bio has a cheek, and Im surprised you try so hard with him. They can both be dad though or they can be 'daddy name'. My parents go by nana/poppa name and it works really well as there are an unusual amount of grandparents in our family. So we kind of use it more as a title like MR or MRS
My partner is daddy steven and my child's biological father is daddy. Simple
Soooo I'm in the same boat , except I have a daughter . She is four. She can call both my ex and my now partner dad if she wants to or she can call them by their first names if it tickles her fancy . Also she can call her step mum , mum, whilst she visits them or by her name . If my daughters happy , I'm happy . I'm not telling her who she can call what . If kids feel it , they feel it . :)