I've just done something that could jeopardise everything. My relationship fell apart because my partner was texting and calling a girl from his work. He told me he no longer loved me and had feelings for her.
Of course I couldn't leave it alone and now after 3 weeks of us being separated, I messaged his boss and told him what was going on.
It was a stupid heat of the moment decision and now I've completely ruined our relationship and I'm not sure it can be fixed. We have 2 daughters together and I don't want to see them dragged into this.
Oh god what did I do?
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4 Replies
You now behave like an adult. Contacting your partners boss was totally wrong no matter what your partner had done (and he has some blame to wear too remember). Don't beg for forgiveness or start contacting your partner madly in the hope he will forgive you (one apology is enough and you don't want to look crazy). Organise some counselling (ask him once if he will go if he isn't interested get some for yourself). Things may still end up that you stay separated (who wants to be with someone who'd prefer to be elsewhere). If he won't do counselling keep it polite and business like and just about your girls from now on. Organise mediation to settle visitation and care arrangements.
Just try and calm done. Breathe! Yes it was a mistake but my god my partner would be more worried about ending up in the morgue than getting a phone call to his boss haha. Look you reacted to something HE did so he can't really get that angry at you. Say you're sorry but don't beg for his forgiveness. Just try to stop it now from going further (either him retaliating or you doing something else). If you are no longer together just try and keep your feelings out of it. Don't find with him about it. Talk to your friends and family as much as possible. Good luck we've all be there..
A) he is the one that was doing the wrong thing in the first place and HE is the one who ruined your relationship not you
b) his boss would have found out some other way anyway
C) don't let him make the conflict between you about this, he is the one in the wrong
D) it will be ok. This initial time is always going to be very emotional and hightened. You will find with time you will both calm and things will be easier xxx
I must be honest and say that contacting his boss and "dobbing" was a little petty. I totally understand why you did it though. You're hurt and angry, understandably! But you went about it totally wrong, and I'm sure you already know that.
So now, it's time to try and get your ex to sit down for a chat. Be the bigger and better person and apologise for what you did and explain to him why you did it.. That you were hurt, angry etc.
then explain to him you do not want the kids to suffer by decisions you and him have made.
My parents split when I was 5. The absolute best thing they did for me and my siblings, was remain civil. We never felt like we were in the middle, we didnt play them against each other, it was nice. They weren't "friends" at the time, but infront of us kids they were. Now, 18 years later, they're great friends!
What he's done is wrong! If he didnt love you any more, he should have told you how he was feeling, before he went behind your back and did what he did..
But neither of you can change what you've done.. All that you both can do now, is TRY to remain civil for the kids sake. Make sure he understands it's not about you and him or how you feel about each other, it's about your girls.
Best of luck mummy x