Please no nasty comments. I am looking for positive guidance.
A little bit about me.
I am a mother of 3 beautiful children. 2 of being 2 year old twin girls. My husband and I moved away from my family as he got a good paying job. We moved and purchased a house 3 years ago. My mother in law also lives with us and has done so since we purchased the house. About 8 moths into my husbands job, (so 2 years ago) he sustained a serious work injury. He has good days and bad days. Most days he's unable to walk and I am to always be around to help him dress/undress/shower etc. His mother is also very demanding. Only recently has she started doing her own washing and cleaning etc. I always did everything for her. I also take her shopping and to all of her appointments. So between her and my husband and my children, I struggle to cope, but I do. I'm not even 30 and feel its a lot to handle, but I am blessed with my 3 children and even though my husband doesn't have his back, he still has his health which I am thankful every day for. Don't get me wrong. There is at least 1 day a week where I lock myslef in my room and cry my eyes out because I am exhausted and this is not the way I pictured spending my late 20's. But im still thankful. So now the problem.... My sister. She is and unbelievably selfesh person who has no regard for anyone but herself. She is 32 years old, has given birth to 6 children. And now has none of them in her care. She had 3 of them until recently. She upped and left her partner of 10 years for a 19 year old boy. Who incidentally is my nieces ex boyfriend. Her ex partner isn't coping. Her 2 older boys are staying with friends and have been for months now. By older, I mean they are 13 and 14 years old. Definitely not old enough to be out on their own. And she has a little boy who is 8 and can't understand why his mum isn't home. (She lives in the same town and sees him every now and then). But I just spoke to him and I am bawling my eyes out because my poor little nephew is becoming a very broken little boy. He refuses to go to school. He is swearing so bad it would make a sailor blush. He is sad and misses his mum and just doesn't understand and it breaks my heart :-( But the question is? Do I try get kinship of him? Am I strong enough to handle a little boy that needs a lot of love and attention, on top of what I already have to take care of? Someone needs to be a voice for these kids, but I just don't know what to do? ?
3 Replies
Under the current circumstances I would say no. If you got things set up so that your MIL and husband were not as reliant on you then I'd say maybe.
Contact your local Carers association and your local council. Most councils offer services a variety of services to people like your husband and your family like assistance showering, housework, gardening services, your MIL should also be able to get help with her needs from the council.
You may also be entitled to inhome care from your state government organisation.
I also think you need to be carving time out for yourself first.
Kids like your sisters kids need a much higher level of care than your usual child they usually come with high psychological and behavioural and educational needs than your usual child. You may have to find time to run him to psychologist appointments.
I know it is hard but it really is ok to say I have enough on my plate at this point and can't manage anymore, because taking on too much when you are already responsible for so much would be detrimental to everyone.
This comes from a fellow carer x
Mil out first of all. Nephew in only if you can do it, but it's time to make practical changes and put yourself first. When husband has good days, take them and have rest days! Look after your own health and happiness, don't live unhappily doing everything for everybody else, it's not fair to you or your cchildren.
I don't want to sound awful but is there a reason the MIL is your responsibility? Does your husband have siblings that could maybe pick up the slack now that you have your own family issues? If you can, take this boy in but only if you can - it sounds like you have been dealing with a lot more than you should have had to for a long time now x