IM Question: What to do with left over embryos.
My husband and I have three children, all conceived through IVF, all from the same “batch”. I was very lucky to have multiple viable embryos from one collection, and was equally lucky to be able to conceive on the first attempt each time.
We have decided that having three children is right for us and do not wish to have any more. We still have three embryos frozen in storage and we need to make a decision on what to do with them. While I would love to be able to donate them to another couple who are unable to have children, I just can’t with the knowledge that there would be a full sibling/s to my children “out there”. Storage costs nearly $400 per year. The logical financial decision would be to discontinue storage and allow them to succumb to the elements in the lab. I find myself very emotional (and feeling very guilty) when I think about this option, as I feel these are potential children and know that they have a high chance of becoming a foetus if I implanted them.
My question is this: Has anyone else out there experienced this? How did you overcome the intense emotion and sadness that is associated with this decision? Did you use any services to help your decision? Can you recommend any blogs or websites that may help? Has anyone chosen to discontinue storage and regretted their decision? My husband is willing to keep paying for the storage indefinitely because he knows that eventually the decision will be out of our hands (once I reach the age where conception is no longer an option), even though our finances are not exactly flush. He is willing to pay thousands of dollars just to alleviate my guilt, but I think that the money could be well spent elsewhere.
Any advice or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanking you in advance.
4 Replies
I haven't been in your position so I'm sorry that I don't have any experience with this. I can however completely understand where your thoughts are on it all.
If you do decide to stop paying for the storage would it be possible to donate the next payment to a charity that helps women with fertility issues? Or put it towards someone's bill who's trying to conceive? I just thought maybe that could help your guilt. You would know that you were able to be some help to bringing another couple the love and joy you now have.
Best of luck with your decision!
I like the other comment here about donating money. Perhaps you could donate the cost to specific couple rather than an embryo. I totally understand where you are at and I doubt I could get 'rid' of them either and like you I would not be willing to give them up to others for your same reasons. Other than that, I haven't been there and I wouldn't know what to do, so good luck x
I no its not the same by any means, but if you feel that discontinuing storage is the right option for you, maybe just try and see it as the natural process of an unfertilised egg going through the monthly cycle. I have no experience to share with you, but try not to beat yourself up over the decision you make. If you ever changed your mind about donation you would be giving someone an amazing gift. Whichever you choose I'm sure it will be the right decision for you, try to find peace with your choice.
Just some food for thought... I am mummy to a 4 month old son who was conceived using donor eggs from a beautiful friend. I am only 30 yrs old and at 28 I was diagnosed with premature menopause. If it wasn't for such an amazing gift I wouldn't have the gorgeous boy I have today. He grew inside me for 9 months and I gave birth to him and i breastfeed him. He is as much my son as if he was conceived my own eggs. There is a very interesting study that has been done called epigenetics. It explains how two baby's made with the same DNA eg. from the same batch of embryos born from different mothers will end up having similarities to the birth mother even if they do not share the mothers DNA. We too have a number of embryos stored and will keep paying the storage and we do not yet know what we will do with them as it is a hard decision and something you need to really think about for the sake of your own children . You can donate to a known family and I figure maybe one day I will find the right person who I will have a connection with and will be happy to donate just as my donor and i felt. Have a look on egg donation Australia. You will find plenty of info and meet people on similar situation.