Ok so I need some help!
One of my best friends committed suicide last year. She overdosed then was put on life support and died when the life support was turned off.
I have always found the story a little weird. She had been fighting with hubby (not unusual due to his mental health issues and the weight of the world she carried) and had gone to bed (when she took the prescription drugs). Apparently hubby went in to see her the following day as they had a visitor but she didn't want to come out. He then left her until the following morning when he found her unconscious. Apparently her last pages of her diary were filled with things like "how could he do this to me? What did I do to deserve this?" Etc
I have always felt uneasy about all of this and always questioned why he would leave his wife, effectively for over 48 hours without any communication etc...he waited until the kids had gone to school to check on her.
He was also very quick to turn the life support off.
Following her death, all he would talk about was money and how she had over a million dollars in life insurance attached to her various super accounts. He was on the phone organising these pay outs the day after she died.
He basically kicked her kids out after her death and left them to fend for themselves (older teenagers) and one has been very unwell needing chemo etc...
The kids have very little of their mothers and will more than likely never get any more.
I have just found out that 7 months after she died, he remarried.
Things start to fall together and questions are being raised in my mind...
My question is, what, if anything, can I do about this? I'm convinced there is more to this, but I don't know what to do. Part of me thinks I should leave it, but I don't feel right. Her kids deserve more than this and have a right to even some of her belongings!
Both hubby and I, over the last couple of months have had new employees at our work places who are spitting images of my friend. We both struggle with these people as it is like she is there with us. I almost feel like she has sent these people to us...
Many will think I'm nuts-that's ok. Just keep scrolling. I would just like someone who may have a fresh idea or know of something that could be explored?
Thanks guys x
6 Replies
Just because someone doesn't behave as you think they should that doesn't mean they aren't or weren't devastated. How long someone stays single for isn't a measurement if how much their loved one meant to them. At times of grief or emergencies I behave in the most business like manner you could imagine. I'm cool, calm and collected on the outside and people have accused me of being heartless. The truth is underneath it all I'm a total mess and doing 'jobs' is what keeps me moving. Did you know that Lindie Chamberlain was convicted originally because she didn't play the grief stricken mother that everyone expected and like me was cool calm and collected and got on with life. As we know now she was innocent.
So my advise is leave it alone.
Don't let this eat you up and swallow your life. It won't get you anywhere just stress and pain and won't help anyone and won't make up for the loss of your friend. I've seen accusations like these tear people a part and they have turned out to be false.
I think it really depends on if their was an investigation into her death or if they just ruled it suicide. You also may find it hard to ask the questions as your relationship isnt a relative to the decease (don't mean to offend) you may find the best way to go is to ask her parents and get them to ask the police that had the case or the other option I would try is to ask a lawyer what you could do as in investigation wise.
I guess you could also consider that she was in a notsogreat relationship, maybe he was selfish or disrespectful or uncaring & wore her down. It sounds like he did something or maybe was just doing something hurtful in general to her, this could have really spun her downwards in that time. It could also explain his appearing to move on quickly. It doesnt automatically mean hes committed a crime. If you have any idea he has, then report it to policeor crimestoppers. The best thing you could do for the children is to keep their mums memory alive & in a positive light for them.
It's interesting how we are always told to follow our gut instinct with out kids, yet ignore it when its an adult. I'm going to play devils advocate here and say look into it further. Whether that's involving thepolice, her family/friends or even a PI is up to you. But I can tell you right now, if that was my best friend I wouldn't be ignoring this feeling. I'm not saying deem the man a murderer, just look into it. Of course people grieve differently but your instincts are telling you something isn't right here and ill be listening. If you don't know where to start and you have an open mind maybe consider speaking with a PI first? Or if your into it a reputable psychic? I'm not a huge believer in the that stuff but I'd do it just too see another perspective that's unbiased. Good luck.
Ok so before I start I will state that I am suspicious by nature, I question everything so my view is going to be different to the average one. So I'll start by making sure that this is what you are saying, your friend went to bed the night she took prescription drugs, a visitor came over and hubby went in to tell her but she didn't feel like coming out (did the visitor see her?), and the following morning was when he found her unconscious, nthe last pages in her diary were questioning how he could have done something to her. Ok, so where did he normally sleep? If for 48 hour he had effectively left her and waited until the kids were at school he had to have either slept beside her or somewhere else. Ok now as for a quick remarriage it almost sounds like he could have possibly been having an affair which would explain the "how could he do this to me" and may have even told her that night it was over and why he may not have seen her the night before he found her unconscious? Turning off the life support could have been strongly advised by the doctors. Now the thing I am unsure on though that brings up my suspicion is why the kids have been kicked out and why they haven't got any of their mothers belongings or life insurance (they are able to fight this by the way). So I don't know your friend or her husband but the thing is if it doesn't feel right or sound right to you maybe you should have another look, even just for closure. Read through the coroners report (there is a website for Queensland with some findings on the coroners court) or death cert. and anything else you may be able to find, maybe even as suggested above have a look into a psychic and if they have anything to say, and if something isn't sitting right still have a chat to the police.
I hope my comment doesn't upset you, I was just trying to give you a fresh idea from an outsiders perspective but just follow your gut and if you do need closure see if you are able to dig a little deeper. Also as I said the kids are able to get some of the life insurance and belongings if they haven't, they will need to have a chat to a lawyer but it is possible however it is harder if they have got some. The best thing you can do for them though is be support and keep their mothers memory alive.
You need to tread carefully as you may bring up unwanted feeling for the children. They are the main concern if they are content with what has happened and managed to find peace let it go. If they are agitated and unhappy with the outcome then with their permission follow thru. I think the best thing would be finding yourself a counsellor and letting yourself heal I don't feel that you are at peace with what has happened and a counsellor may help you change that.