I don't know why i am bothering to write..i know.i will get ridiculed for my thoughts and feels atm that is all i see when a mum feels like i do right now.
I feel as though i rezent my son. He is the youngest of 3 but has a few yrs gap between the middle child and him
Both the older two were in school when my partner decided to try for his child. I agreed thinking different genetics there is no way i could have the same issues with a child to him as my middle child (also a boy has) WRONG i do have those issues plus the same issues his dad had but only been diagnosed GDD (his dad is ADHD). I constantly find my self tired and at a loss for patients with him by the time the older two aret home from school i have had more than enough and just want to be left alone but they too want me help and even though my bad moods are not their doing they still cop it.
I never wanted to be a stay at home mum always wanted to work and have had a couple of part time jobs since havings the first two but always something came up and i had to stop working.
Now more than ever i want to work and need too money is tight for us and with my toddler always getting into everything eating whatever he can reach and climbing to get the things he can't i am losing my mind.
Now my partner has just scored a second job to work weekends I'm starting to get pissed off every time he brings it up that should be me working a job over weekends etc not him he has a full time job as it is.
He complains i don't do crap around the house but he doesn't see what this toddler is doing all the time he only ever sees him behaving when daddy is home. I need a break from this "MUMMY" gig i need to work for my sanity and the kids benefit. Yes i have depression but that is not the reason i am feeling this way.
Sorry for the essay "feeling fed up tired"
8 Replies
Get your kid into day care, for one day a week at least. Everyone needs time out and I agree your partner should not be getting a part time job! He needs to step up spend some time with his kid and let you have some time away.
You also need to start tapping into services in your area. You would be entitled to occasional respite care for your son (they come to the home so you can go out, or they can manage your child while you get some jobs done or vice versa). To organise this contact commonwealth Carelink on 1800 052 222. Also when you see your GP ask about having a social worker. They can help you access services and help you contact services that can help take the pressure off, wether that's in the form of a local church charity who can help in someway or in the form of helping you apply for more regular ongoing respite packages.
If work is what you want then go for it... Sounds like you need the time out (even if it is work). You don't need his approval to do that. Sounds like you need this and you know what? Being a SAHM is not for everyone. That doesn't make you any less of a good mum! Just do what you need to do and tell your partner what you want. Just say that you would appreciate his support with it. Good luck mummy! I know the stir crazy feeling of being a SAHM :-)
Thanks ladies. I have been in touch woth a social worker but until i have funds to get another copy of my sons birth certificate they can't do much else for me. Respite would be awesome and usually i would get my mum to take them all for a few hrs but now we love.2 hours away from.each other and it just isn't practical. I haven't had more than one night from the toddler ever. Seriously out of nearly 3 yrs one night off that is it. I have applied for job after job but not getting anywhere even had professionals look at my resume and cover letter...
It. is now 4:36pm and the older two are complaining of having to do their homework and small chores. (Clean their room put toys away aNd wipe down their bathroom bench) i usually do the rest when they are in bed.
I admit when i first posted this i was in tears with my oldest home from school with an athsma like cough that seems to have gone down since i dropped her brother at school..
I have calmed down again for now. Waiting for my partner to get home from work. He knows i need a break from our youngest (he may not be the father to the older two but he takes the role anyway.). He just doesn't seem to understand he needs to spend time.with the kids without me around they all behave when i am out and he is home.but he still only has them by himself every so often. I gave him a pamphlet for Dads and kids playw group that runs on saturdays but he hasn't acknowledged it at all even if it is only for the youngest to go with him he will keep complaining our son doesn't love him because he keeps running away from.him and goes to me.
Hi, I posted about the respite care. I found it invaluable. Some other things that I found helpful with my year away was locking down the house!!!! I had a lock put on the fridge (key around my neck) and magnet locks put on kitchen cupboards and any cupboard where things were kept I didn't want him to have free access too. Even if you are renting you can put these things on your cupboards (because they can't be seen from the outside and they are a safety issue). They made a huge difference to me and my ability to take 2 minutes to myself!
Have you contacted your local council. Some local councils offer services to carers and people with disabilities (I think you count) some of those services include house cleaning, maintenance (installing locks), all sorts if things. Even if it just makes one day easier it is worth looking into.
Thanks for the understanding.
I have had locks on my.fridge for about 6 tears now after my other son got intp eggs and milk then smashed them into carpet all at around the same.age as the youngest.
I have to get on to the real estate in reguards to my security screen door because it doesn't lock properly already had several people knock on my door with him in front (yep William Tyrell constantly plays in my head with what happened to him).
actually I totally understand where you are coming from. I was so there it is the hardest with the youngest particularly a youngest who can run rings around their siblings the house both parents all pets and STILL be going past the finishing line and exiting out the carpark on the other side of the quad.
I found an answer. it didn't give me a huge break but I got some. They call it 3 year old kinder. and it is AWESOME so super incredibly AWESOME! thankfully my mother in law shouted. but there are ways and means, she didn't shout the fee's forever. and it meant I had energy and I had time to scratch myself and breathe and OMG BREATHE!
Darling you are not alone......psst it does get easier and I know it seem's like forever but school isn't far away.....SCHOOL OMG FULLTIME SCHOOL.....
NO YOU CAN'T STAY HOME TODAY SICK UNLESS YOU ARE DYING IN WHICH CASE DIE QUIETLY!
I don't know why you think you'd be ridiculed for this (maybe you were just over tired and emotional at the time as you've stated) because I have three kids the same age by the sounds of it, all by the same father and none with any of the behavioural problems you've stated and damn I need a break too!! My sanity was just going to the gym two nights a week, which I can't do at the moment because I've now become a single mum but maybe find something that you can do even just one night or a couple of hours on the weekend for you to do alone while hubby takes them? Talk to your go as well and see if they have any suggestions for you, any help or resources in your particular area for you to lean back on. Is there any job agencies you could maybe join in your area too?
Why dont you get a full time job and put the older 2 into after school care and the youngest into daycare.
Look to your local council for respite for your youngest, not sure if his problems give you access to other services. Call the carer service in your state, or speak to your gp about a refferal to a social worker etc
You need to see a counsellor to vrnt and get someone to talk too.
I feel you are just at your wits end and exhausted which is normal.
If you feel like you are going to hurt your child or yourself please call a friend or family member, or an agency that will remove him.
best of luck mum, please reach out for proper help.