Hi ladies, I am in a real situation here and would appreciate your advice urgently!
I have 3 children, 2 of which are only 53 weeks apart, they are 2.5 and 1.5 years old. It isn't always easy and has been rough in the first year but starting to become easier if not enjoyable, my kids make us laugh and happy every day. Anyway we just found out my pill didn't work and I'm 6 weeks pregnant with number 4!!!! We said we were done after our youngest as the birth was very touch and go, we nearly lost her. Aside from this, I'm unsure if we can cope with 3 under 3, we have no family support and struggle financially now!
We speak about abortion due to these reasons but the thought of termination breaks my heart, I would be forever scarred and always remember taking it's life due to fear... We don't know what to do! Please help and please be nice, this is the hardest thing I've ever experienced. Remember we struggle week to week, just scrap through and I have holes and rips in my clothes! My husband runs the car dry on fuel praying to make it to work! We are finally at a stage where I could return to work but a baby would make that impossible and there's no more baby bonus.
Thank you so much!!!
In urgent need of advice!!!
In urgent need of advice!!!
Posted in:
Pregnancy
9 Replies
Abortion and adoption are always an option. Don't ever let anyone judge you or make you feel either isn't okay. You will know in your heart what is best and if you can't give your a good life. You don't want to keep it because you feel obligated then hate life and resent your children and go broke. Is adoption an option? You can help out another couple and they can help with hospital bills etc. Although for me personally that would be the hardest option. On the other hand I know mums who had 1 who didn't think they could handle 2, mums who had 2 who didn't think they could handle 3, and one of my friends even had quads!! It could be done. Some people say once you have 3 having another 1 isn't much different. Because the kids are close in ages they could share clothes and have handy downs, you could start shopping at op shops if you don't already, meal planning and budgeting, cloth nappies, finding small work you could do from home (offering friends and family to do ironing, even offering to babysit other children). There's always options, but whatever you choose will be hard, it's just up to you what you feel you can live with and work through to be happy in the end.
Without knowing more details of your financial situation as per the comment above, my advice is simple.... if you really would be scarred for life by a termination then you just have to make it work.
Easier said than done I know. Perhaps you could return to work for 6 months and just save every cent for when bubs arrives? As it is your family are "surviving" on your partners wage. Also could he take a casual job or change jobs in order to earn more? A casual job could be a few shifts somewhere and bring in an extra $100 a week....
From what youve written, it does sound like you dont see abortion as an option youd b ok with. Perhaps try thinking of it in other ways,i had one at age 25 and i dont feel scarred, i dont feel guilt and i dont feel like i took a life. I chose not to have a baby at that time. Lots of people choose that all the time. It is your decision to make, i say explore the options and whatever sits right with you after that, is your answer.
only you can make this decision, but i will say as someone who said i would never have an abortion, and thought it would scar me for life... i had one. it was such a hard decision at the time, and even in the months after wondering if id done the right thing, but looking back now i have no regrets. it was the right thing for me and us at the time. and our lives are in such a great and wonderful place that I'm just not sure it would be had i had the baby, 3 lives would have been very hard and hurt.
anyways it was the right decision for me and although sometimes i wonder what could have been i can honestly say i have absolutely no regrets...
good luck its not an easy place.
xxxx
See your GP. They can set you up with professionals who are trained to help you recognise your options, talk through consequences and make the best of the decision you make - whatever that may be.
I never thought I would or could have an abortion but when the test came back positive I was horrified and knew I couldn't do it again, we had just got to a point in our lives where the kids were manageable, got on well and we had plans for our future (travel and study). It was a very tuff decision however I knew I would struggle with another child and would not want to blame them for stopping or making us mis opportunities. Also I wanted to give my children all my attention time and love and didn't believe I could as much with another child. It is not something I regret At all.
Definitely seek out some professional help and find out all your possible avenues. Good luck.
I had no family and had #3 unplanned (but never unwanted). I had 3 kids in 3 and a half years. I was very hard. Hubby worked long hours 6 days a week. I used daycare to keep me sane 1 day a week and a second day when needed. Check to see what your CCB is. My kids enjoyed the time away and helped me cope.
I feel for you. I don't have time to write but feel your pain. I have 4 under 4. Number 4 was a surprise, I considered abortion but couldn't live with it. Baby is 1 now. Much much easier now the older ones are (almost) 3 and older. It sound like you having an abortion is not for you (at least at the time u were writing). Get help from everywhere. We lived with my parents (1 hour away) to ease financial hardship. There are volunteer agencies out there to help with newborns (anglicare or something). The first 3 months were hell. 6 months things got easier again. Advertise for volunteer, unpaid help, there are loads of satellite pensioners who are isolated and want to make meaningful connections. (Sorry rushed, sounds funny I read it back but you get the gist). Good luck.
I'm not usually one for abortion . BUT your children deserve the right to be able to have happy mum and dad . You guys deserve that too . If you really cave afford if financially then I wouldn't do it . It will be hard but this could make or break yours and your children's future . Just think about it for what's best for your current children . Good luck