How do you resolve trust issues?
Here's a bit of back story- (I will try to keep it short)
My partner has been lying to me, about both the little things and the big things. Last was an Internet "dating" site. I found him out and he told me all he wanted was someone to talk dirty to him because I wasn't and we weren't having sex often. I got angry, asked him if it would be ok if I did it like he was, to start off with he saw no problem with it and said it wouldn't matter. Even if I put everything on show like he was he reckons it wouldn't bother him, I couldn't do that it was wrong to do. He told me he had only been on that one, on that one day. I found out that it wasn't just that one but another. I still haven't told him I know this. He has used his last chance with lying to me, after this it's over.
I just don't know how I'm meant to get my trust back in him. There is no one to watch our kids while we go to counselling and we can't afford daycare or a baby sitter at this point of time. He says he is trying everything, yet the second he jumps on his phone I'm questioning him. It's like I can't get over it, even though it only happened 1.5 months ago, there is nothing even remotely building in trust. He has even changed his password to his Facebook, so I can't get into it. There is so much for us to work on, I have no idea where to start. I'm so unhappy in our relationship it's affecting our harmonious family I try to have. I want to not be paranoid about having to watch him on his phone, not worrying about what he does when he is out, not questioning every move. I want to be able to try everything possible before i give up, i do still love him. Anyone with any advise? HELP!
Thank you.
5 Replies
you havent regained trust in him because quite honestly hes done nothing to earn it. hes lying, being deceptive, disrespecting you, justifying by blaming your sex life and sounds like his idea of what is ok is your idea of cheating. no wonder you dont trust him! my advice is to give him a really big wakeup call now before he continues this way.
Sorry but he hasn't done anything to gain your trust back! I would conclude that he has no interest in doing so by going as far as to change his password. I would be telling him he needs to get involved in fixing the broken trust and repairing things or to take a hike!
He needs to be completely open to you. Myself and hubby went through a rocky patch a few years ago and I lost trust in my husband. The way he gained it back was being completely honest with me, now we can go on each other's fb, phones, or anything else. Honesty is the best policy if a relationship is going to work
I'm going through something similar at the moment. I was playing on my husbands phone when he received a dirty text so of course I read the whole conversation and was absolutely sick to my stomach. The way they were describing to each other in detail what they wanted to do with each other was just heart breaking. I immediately confronted him and put it on the line do it again you're gone. We had a really good talk about why he felt the need to do this. He promised me 100% he never met up with this girl and it never went further than texting. He said he continued it because he knew nothing would ever come of it and he didn't want to cheat on me physically however I still classify this as cheating. He knows now if he stuffs up me and my son are out the door. He has been making much more effort with me romantically and is completely open and honest with his phone now. I still don't trust him but I'm getting there. And I'd be true to myself if he did do it again I'd be gone.
If he is constantly lying and hiding things from you id be concerned something's not right and you have every right to feel the way you do. Don't let him tell you to get over it. If he's not willing to change or make you feel like you can trust him there might not be a relationship worth saving. At some point you have to step back and think do I want to live like this. You'll know the answer when the time comes. I really do hope you two work this out. My husband is doing everything he can to make this up to me so it can work out :)
He needs to be completely open & honest with you about things and have a willingness to resolve issues until he does nothing is going to change for the better. Total honesty and complete communication are vital in earning trust & respect in any relationship.