I have 2 kids under the age of two and am pregnant with number 3. Since having my 2nd child I haven't wanted to do anything or go any where. Everything my eldest does annoys me and upsets me. All day long my eldest chucks tantrums (hits head, chucks self onto floor, screams, chucks anything in reach, will hit me & 2nd child) my 2nd child is a major mummy's child and has to have me in eye sight almost 24/7. If I walk out of the room even for a second the screaming and tantrums start from my 2nd which then causes my 1st to start.
I feel like I can't handle it any more. I would never EVER do anything to harm them, they are my world but almost every day I think they would be better off without me. All I do it yell and get angry/frustrated.
Since my 1st was born I have never had me time and get upset at hubby because he gets to go to work and when he gets home he doesn't do much at all to help. I know he is the one bringing an income in but I can't help feeling jealous that he gets time out.
I have even considered putting the children into childcare to get some me time and because I just feel I can't handle it 24/7 anymore :(
I know that's bad of me, I chose to have kids I should just suck it up, I feel like the worst mother in the world. Maybe they would be better if I wasn't around.
I don't know what I'm after I'm just really struggling and I can't talk to hubby about it as he doesn't understand and thinks its easy for me just staying home all day every day. He just tells me to go make friends which is easier said than done for me.
7 Replies
First of all, yeah we choose to have kids but that doesn't mean that we are never allowed to have me time again or even get annoyed at said kids for testing our patience. Everyone has their limits of how much they can handle and kids are great at pushing those buttons to get us to the limit.! You have two kids under 2 and another on the way. Being overwhelmed is to be expected, especially with the hormones that would be going through your body at the moment. Dealing with one kid is enough let alone two whilst being pregnant with a third. Put your kids in daycare for one day a week. That doesn't make you a bad mother, it makes you a normal human being who needs a time out once in a while to recharge your batteries.
You really need to discuss your feelings with your husband. Be really truthful and tell him everything, especially your thoughts about the kids being better off without you, which is not true by the way. Your kids need you around, even if you are grumpy with them. Hopefully, he will see how stressed out you are and help out more. You need to get out by yourself and relax, whether it be go to a movie or get a massage. I went out the other night for the first time in almost a year and it was refreshing. I actually had a chance to miss my kids lol!
You might also want to see a doctor/counsellor to make sure there is nothing else contributing to you feeling like this such as depression etc. I know I didn't have much patience with my first child at the start and felt the same as you about her being better off without me but turns out I had postnatal depression.
As for your husband thinking that staying at home with children is easy, I suggest leaving him alone with the kids for a whole day whilst you go out to have me time and also leave a whole lots of chores to do. He will soon get the picture!
Excellent advice :-)
Sending you a sleigh full of hugs right now! In no way are you a bad mother or person for wanting time to be you! Yes we choose to have kids but we are also woman and humans who deserve some time to recharge! Daycare is a great idea a day a week not only for you but for your babies too! If you aren't up to going out it anything the kids are probably frustrated too xx don't be so hard on yourself, there's plenty of people out there who will do that for you! But not these sisters, we all love you as do your babies :-))
Talk to hubby, really talk to him to get your point across! Good luck x
You deserve to have time alone to. Why is it that as mums we always sit here and think to ourselves that we can't relax and be ourselves, do what we want, after we have kids because this is what we chose? I think the same thing all the time, it's a mum thing like we are meant to be the perfect wife, mother, and woman but we put aside what we want to do (ie go get our hair done, go get coffee with a girlfriend without kids). First thing go to the doctor and tell them what's what and how u are feeling. Second call up daycares and see which one you are happy with and when you can get them in. Don't worry about what others think you need a day (or two) just for you. Don't ever think because you chose motherhood that you can't, we all did sign up for this and we all know that having a break is essential.
Have you thought you might have post natal depression? Sounds like you need some time out for your mental and physical health. Put the the kids in daycare so you can recharge your body and mind, especially because you are pregnant. Maybe see a doc about the possibility of post natal depression, and talk to your husband, he might surprise you and offer some help. Good luck.
Hunny, i think most of us have felt like this at some point, I know I definitely have!! You do need to talk to your husband about this, they are his kids too. He needs to give you a break. Get him to look after his kids when he gets home, even just half an hour so you can have an uninterrupted cuppa. When they go to bed take a bit of time for you, write in a diary,which helps me when i have these types of thoughts. Paint your nails, sit and look at the stars, basically take some time to chill out and clear your head before going to bed.
the not going out doesn't help. Get you and the kids dressed nice, and head out, even if it is just the park. Make grocery day a good day. Get dressed nicely ( its amazing how good looking good makes you feel!) put a little money aside to have lunch while you are out, don't rush through what you have to do, but window shop a bit. Talk to your kids, basically treat grocery day as a family outing, i know it sounds silly, but it helps me.
try to go for a walk a couple of times a week, even if it is just around the block, and take the time to talk to the kids about what you see, the birds and flowers ect. Again this helps me clear my head and it makes parenting alot easier if you do a few little things to enjoy them, it doesn't feel so bad when they are playing up if you have a recent positive. And look for a counsellor, it helps to talk.
I think daycare is an excellent idea to give you a breather. It doesn't make you a terrible mother. It makes you a good mother for taking the space do your kids can get the best of your energy. Your kids will be able to learn social skills at daycare and a change of scenery will do them good. And you might even make some friends with the other mums dropping their kids off.