Hi IMs.
Im stuck between a rock and a hard place.
My husband and i currently have a nearly 3 year old boy and i found out 2 weeks ago we are finally pregnant with long awaited no 2.
My problem is our best friends (sons guardians) have found out recently that they cannot conceive naturally and will have to go through IVF to have the child they long for.
I am so happy for me and my family to be extending but at the same time it breaks my heart to have to tell our best friends.
She recently told me that if we were to have another baby before they did that she would be extremely jealous and it would take awhile for them not to be angry. I understand completely as i know if i was in their situation i would be annoyed at having to watch my best friends baby belly grow and go shopping for baby things etc
My questions is how would you tell them? Just bite the bullet or wait out. My fear is that they will find out from someone else if we dont tell them now but how am i actually meant to tell them now.
I am causing myself more stress then what is needed atm i think but this couple means the world to us.
Please no nasty comments. Helpful answers only.
5 Replies
Just bite the bullet! Pretending it's not happening won't help you or them. Tell them and allow them to have there emotions.
While I can understand where they were coming from as it was likely borne from frustration and disappointment in their own process and not from a truly malicious place, it was truly unfair of them to shake their fingers at you and essentially tell you not to become pregnant until they had a chance at it! It sounds like you've had a long road to number 2 and this baby deserves to be celebrated too. Tell them. If you have to tell them before you tell others then so be it. Accept that they may be hurt but (with all due respect to their situation) they need to get over it. I seriously doubt that you would get pregnant to spite them!
I have two friends who are unable to conceive naturally and I fell pregnant at the start of the year after a very large age gap. But as you said you don't want them finding out from other people. I made sure to tell them in person by ourselves so they were able to react as naturally as they needed. Jealousy is a natural feeling and may coincide with anger. Allow them to have these feelings. It doesn't mean deep down they're not happy for you. That happiness will eventually come out on top. In the meanwhile you enjoy yourself and look after you and Bub. Congratulations on your pregnancy.
I sent my sister this:
Dear (name),
We are expecting a baby in (month).
There is no easy way to tell you and I wish I were there to hug you—I don’t know if that would even do any good. I know you’ll be happy for us, but I know it’s painful too, and that’s okay.
Please understand that I wanted to tell you sooner but due to complications, the pregnancy has been labelled high risk and we have been advised by our obstetrician to delay announcing the news until after 20 weeks.
I decided on sending you this letter ahead of our visit to give you time and space to let everything sink in, I understand if you don’t want to see me and I won’t take offense. I know our bond is strong enough to handle it.
Please understand you’re being told before 20weeks and we ask that you keep our secret.
We love you xx
I have been through this. My best friend had been trying for 15 years. We were very sensitive to my friends as they had decided that it was just not going to happen so they had been grieving. We bit the bullet and told them straight up. They were really happy for us but I could see the heartache they felt also. We didn't talk too much about everything at that moment, but we did talk about things during the pregnancy. I gave birth, then she found her miracle doctor who helped her conceive her miracle daughter. I was so happy for her I cried when she told me. I can understand the hurt she will feel but if she found out from someone else she would be more hurt. I'm sure she will support you just as my friend did