I thought i had the perfect relastionship with my partner till i had a baby with him and he moved in.
Im still on maternity leave because our baby is 6 weeks but I seem to be doing everything, I do every night feed (every 4 hours), I cook, I clean, I wash, dry, fold and put the washing away, I stack and empty the dish washer, i also cook bulk dinners for his lunches at work while looking after a 3 yr old (who is so challenging with the terrible 3's) and a baby on little sleep. I also had a c-section with my baby and because im doing so much I've started to have a lot of pain down my left side it aches when im on my feet, I've told him this and he has told me to relax a bit and stop doing so much but tonight wow has he got me so mad!!! I was up all night with our 6 week old (also vomitting from food poisoning) i then got up to my daughter at 8am, i cleaned, did 3 loads of washing (he asked me to do), tidied the house then he got home from work so i started to cooked dinner for us all. When i asked him to help me and he said "do i have to" peeled 2 carrots and sat down on the couch and facebooked... after dinner i cleaned up, stacked the dish washer, bathed, dressed and put both the kids to bed all while he was still on his butt facebooking then he decided to go bed (pushing all the clean clothes on our bed to side so he could sleep mind you) i came in and when i asked him to help me he said "really? Its too late" he then fell asleep with hia phone in his hand (facebook) and began to snore... This has been my life almost every day since our baby was born and im tired of it!! Im 23 yrs old and i feel like a domesticated house wife who serves one purpose and thats making sure everyone else is happy but me. I love my kids to death and i love my partner but im not where i want to be in my life at all!! Im stuck in a rut already!!
Stuck in a rut already.
Stuck in a rut already.
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Self Care
7 Replies
Time to put your foot down with your man. Stop doing his lunches, stop doing his washing. It's time for him to grow up or move out! It's time to leave him with the baby and go to a friends house for a few hours on the weekend.
I think you need to talk to him. Find out what's going on in his head. Men can suffer post natal depression too - He may not be handling the change very well and may be too embarrassed to talk to you about it. On the other hand, some men are just lazy and don't understand what a huge job being a SAHM is. The only way to find out what's going on is to talk to him. You can't keep going on like this or you're going to run yourself into the ground. Good luck x
Tell him to move out again. How selfish. Tell him youre unhappy and overworked and not helped and trust me its so much easier to do it alone than to do it alone while a lazy uncaring selfish slob doesn't help and even worse - sleepS!! it's infuriating it makes you angry, upset, emotional, feel worthless, wears you down. Split again, and when he has his time with the baby you take it off and rest. Go slowly until he starts to respecting you and helping you. If he can't learn and start doing that at least you're not killing yourself for him, he's definitely not doing the same for you.
I've been in your shoes before except I had a vaginal birth. My partner was/is used to having everything done for him washing, cleaning, dinner and lunch for work! I told him as straight to the point as I could. "I can't do everything on my own, i feel like I'm drowning I need your help!) Made no difference, so I stopped cooking for him just got dinner for the kids. I stopped making his lunch, let the washing pile up til he had no clean clothes. He complained big time to which I responded I told you I need help, massive fight!! I ended up hiring a cleaner (who I'm making him pay for) she is a major help and after not baking down he now does a lot around the house! We have found our rhythm so to speak. I would suggest you tell him straight I'm not your mother you need to help with the household duties it's what a responsible adult does. Goodluck mumma it's hard but stop beating yourself up you can only do so much....
The hardest part about this is that being a mum isn't 9-5. Once he gets home from work he needs to realise that is when his 'job' as father and husband kicks up a gear and you do things together.
Why should your 'job' be 24 hours?
You need to stop doing non essentials- just do the basics. Talk to your hubby and explain how you're feeling- it's very overwhelming and exhausting when you have a new baby and he needs to contribute.
No this is so not ok and u need to start to sort it out now. The fact is that most men need to be 'trained' to family life. Explain nicely how u feel physically and emotionally and that u can't just leave the housework undone to rest and that he needs to be in a partnership with you. This is his first child and family and it will take a while to get it to a fully functional point but you need to start getting him on board now so he learns this is not the way to have a happy partner or working happy family. Explain that u work 24/7 and he doesn't get to clock off when he finishes work and that the kids need to spend time with him and see him contributing to family life. Write down all the chores and ask him which he would prefer to do so he has some buy in. Schedule time off for each of you and make deals - whoever doesn't cook cleans up the kitchen, he baths the kids while you fold the washing etc. Remind him a 'Happy wife is a happy life' and agree that u will both do household jobs until a certain time of night when u will sit down and relax and spend time together. Do not put up with the current situation or everyone will ultimately suffer. hugs x
My partner used to be similar until I just snapped! I then started giving him options.. He could either bathe the kids or clean the kitchen. Things like that. He would feel better that he got an option instead of feeling like I'm just telling him what to do. Now he is great. He gets up to the kids at 5am, feeds them brekky and then heads to work and when he returns, he helps with getting them bathed, in bed and my house tidied.