Hi IMs! I need help my husband and I are struggling financially he received news jobs may be on the line at work we have 2 children who are 2.5 & 10mo.
How do we get through this I was only telling him on the weekend that I don't get to be the mum I dreamed of being as I am working 3 days a week sometimes more, the house seems always a mess. I also said I feel ripped off that no one else I know had to go back to work before their babies were 1 year old let alone 4 months like I did! I feel like I'm too busy working to maintain housework to a good standard some days getting the washing done is a real hassle!
We are always arguing and I feel like I am the only one contributing to us. I do all of the housework but I can't even convince him to pick his dirty plates & cups from the lounge room... He doesn't eat with us at the dinner table. He doesn't help with kids at all and before we had them constantly said he would be hands on and he's far from it! I would love for him to even ask if I want a drink or cuppa when he's getting one??? I love him so very much but I'm starting to feel used and I don't understand what I've done wrong? We have had pretty big arguments tonight, he talks about leaving us regularly but I don't want that. I am also worried he might hurt himself?
My questions are: How do we improve our finances when there aren't many jobs around? How do we improve our relationship? How do all the IMs get their everyday housework done with small kids and working? What can I do to feel like a better mum? TIA
4 Replies
We don't get all the housework done! My windows are filthy, the washing is in baskets and I go to bed every night with dirty dishes in the sink (that's the short list). As long as I can make my house look presentable if I invite people over (bedroom becomes the dumping ground and door shut) then all is good with the world. If I'm healthy, my kid is healthy then that's what matters! I live week to week on our income (with tiny savings for an emergency, like car break down). With all that I don't care! Life isn't a tv show where the houses are perfect, everyone can afford a house cleaner, or mum and dad help out all the time. Stop worrying about the dream and being angry for what you don't have. Yeah it sounds like your hubby needs to step up around the house but complaining about things that sounds like were out of both of your control (you having to go back to work) is unhelpful and kind of childish. Hearing someone complain about that stuff would push me away in a big way.
I currently work 4 days a week, have 3 children and do most of the house work aswell as all the nite feeds for our 4.5 mth old. Yes I feel extremely guilty for going to work as I aswell always planned on being a SAHM. But I think of it this way that my children wouldn't have the life they have now if I didn't work and I just try to tell myself that I go to work for my kids. Also don't stress about the house work it willbe their tomorrow :) I don't call it messy I call it lived in :)
I think I need to add that I had opened up about my feelings on the weekend and on Monday he found out about the work situation not the two together...
Oh totally know how you feel about partner not stepping up. Before I had my Lo my partner said he would be hands on. And I've done everything plus more from the get go, I feel like I can't leave them alone for half an hour with out going through a list of 'dos and donts' it's so frustrating. And I also do everything around the house and work part time. My partner works full time and I do a little bit to help out, some weeks I don't wanna do any but I enjoy the adult interaction.
Sorry not much advise just don't want you to feel as thou your the only one..
Maybe just take a step back and appreciate what you have, some people can't have children and have to work their whole lives at least your in a relationship and obviously love him so I feel for you & we all need to vent but just do as much as you can in terms of house work and if you can have the house tidy when visitors come then no one knows any different. Stop living wondering and wishing about others lives, we all do things that we hide from others. If your hubby is happy for the house to be how it is then so be it but if he complains tell him to do it himself.
Just think of you didn't work then your life would be worse for your kids. Hopefully your hubby can get a job soon, I know how stressful finances are but I'm sure in time things will fall into place..
Try to do cheap fun family things to remind you of why you go to work for your family. and don't stress the small stuff as we are only this planet for a short time & never know when our time is up. Try to enjoy life xx