Struggling.......
I'm really not coping well anymore with being a mum (yes I have gotten councilling). I have been a single mum for many many years now. I am just not coping at all with it anymore. To be told from "loved ones" that one minute I'm too soft etc. And then get told another time I'm too hard on them etc etc. I already am struggling with depression as it is (and yes I have tried many different meds over the years). My kids dont see their dad (not by any fault of mine whatsoever). I don't receive any child support as it's "cash in hand" work so in child supports eyes no income is coming in. I never get a break at all from the kids. Really don't want to add certain things onto this as I'm sure I will get judged for it (not anything bad but knowing society I will be judged). I have 3 kids. I'm leaving it as that. Hearing from their dad all the time that he has got a hard life blah blah blah but he doesn't see them. He has a social life like no other but yet he has a tough life. But yet when I am struggling I'm made to feel bad for it by saying "at least you have the kids". I'm so overwhelmed with everything and I'm sick of putting on a fake smile to cover up how I'm feeling because in the past I have told people what is wrong but now I get told I whinge too much blah blah blah. I'm going to be studying to better my career (and yes I have been working most of my kids lives thankyou). But can't honestly figure out how I can study when the kids are driving me insane 24/7. I have a teen a pre teen and a toddler. Please no harsh comments as I have written in before about something and the judgements I got were horrible.
6 Replies
Nothing but admiration from me! It's a tough gig having three kids and working. That's impressive!
Sometimes what can happen with depression is that even though you have had counselling, you may find yourself slipping back in to old thought patterns. Perhaps you might find it helpful to reconnect for just a few sessions with your counsellor or there are even some free online programs for wellbeing/stress management/depression etc. I can't recommend Mind Spot clinic any more - they are fantastic.
I studied when my daughter was a toddler. It was t.o.u.g.h. But I put a lot of pressure on myself to do things perfectly and was studying full time. A lot of unis offer online learning now as well as part time study. Maybe you could enrol in just one or two topics at a time and see how you go? Ease yourself back in with one for starters? I found my uni lecturers to be quite understanding when I explained that I was a single parent and helped with flexible arrangements for me. Perhaps have a look in it what Charles Darwin University has to offer? They are great at online options.
Perhaps you might be eligible for JETS childcare assistance. A heavily reduced rate of child care if you need it to complete an approved activity such as studying.
As far as the kids father goes it sounds like he doesn't just give you a guilt trip but he runs the damn travel company!!! I think it's important to safeguard yourself against this and not to give him the power to affect your wellbeing. Try not to get caught up in what's going wrong for him - he made his decisions and it's not your fault.
it is a really tough gig, being a single mum. Ive been doing it on my own and all I can say is Im so happy I only have the one. Not because I don't love kids but because my one is hard enough!
If the kids father isn't seeing the kids, stop contact with him. He sounds like a toxic influence in your life. Don't answer his calls. If he needs to organise contact with the kids he can text and then you can reply. But don't have contact with him that you absolutely don't have to.
Have you joined any single parents groups? You might find they are more supportive than the people you have around you at the moment.
Is there anyway you can get time away from your kids? I have a girlfriend who will take mine overnight so I can have the house to myself for a night and just RELAX.
All I can say is don't be so hard on yourself. You sound like your doing amazingly!
I only have two Kids, I'm a stay at home mum, have a partner (not a very supportive one but here's here none the less) .. and every day is a struggle for me. At the moment I just don't seem to be enjoying my role as a mummy. There's things I'd love to do but my responsibilities are holding me back.
I have no idea how you've coped with all that.
Dont be hard on yourself, your doing great. But a girls night or a weekend away sure sounds like something you need! Treat yourself, we mums often get left behind xxx
I could have written some of this. I don't have any real answers for you. I live with my mum and am studying uni almost full time. (which is why I can get away with studying as I don't pay rent). I study online, it's the only way I could manage motherhood duties. The kids "father" yes I use the term loosely as he does not deserve them one little bit is in jail so I receive no child support and he will never have unsupervised visits so no weekends free here either. My kids are the same age as yours, teen, pre-teen and toddler and it is so hard having to make all the decisions and discipline appropriately 100% of the time.
I think firstly you need to increase your confidence. You should only talk to your councillor about your problems and not your family and friends as they are judgemental. So continue with counselling. Somehow you need to move on and not worry about what your ex does. It's not fair that you are struggling and him not doing his part but you have to realise that you can only control your own behaviour. Find confidence, be strong. It is ok to have a bad day as long as the good days are more than the bad. You should hold of on studying until you can sort out how you feel and feel more on top of things.
I could almost have written this myself. Except I have one less child and they are younger.
You are not doing anything wrong and certainly not having a whinge.
I wish I could say something that would help. But you had a trigger for myself, 'but you have the kids' and that just makes me see red.
I think you need to take 5minutes to yourself and realize that you are doing a great job.
I wish you all the luck and support in the world.