What are the first steps you would take when leaving a domestic violence relationship? My SIL is planning to leave my violent, unpredictable brother. She has 2 children (not his). She has safe refuge at her parents, however, he knows where they live. Would you suggest going somewhere to stay for the first few weeks where he doesn't know she will be (ie. my house as he wouldn't expect that). Would you change number and can you take an AVO straight away? All important documents are at the father of her children's house so she would only need to pack clothes etc and she is planning to leave during the daytime while he is at work. They jointly own the car. He is a violent stalker so I can guarantee that he will stalk her when she leaves. I am extremely worried for her safety! The abuse is getting out of control and he is now starting on her children. Please any advice and help would be much appreciated xx
Steps to take when leaving a DV relationship
Steps to take when leaving a DV relationship
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Self Care
4 Replies
she should contact the police, they have specialized, trained people to tell her what the laws are and what steps she should take, where she should go etc. They also have contacts with DV organisations that have other services like shelters etc.
On the phone thing, I'd advise getting a new number and phone. She needs to keep the old number and phone active though so she can use any text messages and voicemails as evidence.
Thanks, I have rung the DV support line and they also advised to speak to the police DV Liasion so we will be making an apt with them. I will tell her to keep her phone as he is constantly texting and ringing to see where she is during the day as he is very possesive. Thanks for the advice xx
She needs to get away somewhere he will not find her! 100% without question. Just no other option. If you think he is bad now - wait till he loses control of her! She also needs to be seriously careful with the kids as well. Legally he can take them anytime and the other side of things are when he loses control and she leaves the kids will be the only thing he can hurt her with... She needs to keep all evidence now of stalking, control, incidents, texts, threats if it is physical she needs to take pictures. Diarise everything and if he is physical then yes she can get a DVO now. The most important thing is keeping evidence of anything he is doing to the kids, record it if she has to... He will be awarded time with them unless she can prove he is abusing them too... He won't admit to it so it's up to her to prove he is abusing them if she is to protect her kids. Lastly I just want to say you are amazing for being her support.. When I left my abusive marriage my ex's family backed him an defended him at every turn. If that was my son I would kick his ass! Adult or not...
Thanks for your support x I know how he will be. When she leaves he will go psycho. He has done it to all his previous short term girlfriends but they have managed to get away. He has been with my SIL for a couple years now so I feel like he won't let go so easy. He has been choking her, man handling her, spitting in her face, blocking her from leaving, putting dents in the car when she tries to leave etc. luckily they aren't my brother's biological kids so she doesn't have to give him any custody. She isn't planning on having any kids with him ever! Thanks for the diary advice, I will tell her to start keeping a record of everything that happens, she hasn't been so far. Last incident was last night and involving her 7 yr old boy so she is very concerned but can't leave until he is at work as she is at risk of harm if she leaves while he is there. Sorry your ex's family weren't a support to you. I feel so much for my SIL as my dad put us all through hell and now my brother is continuing the cycle. Good on you for getting away and keeping your kids safe xxxx