Step-parent helping out?
Hi mums. I have been dating someone for 11ish months now. My son had just turned 1 when we got together. We aren't living together he visits on weekends. I want him to play a more active role in my sons life, change a nappy here or there. I'm not being lazy I've done everything by myself for 2 years now so it's not that I don't want to change nappies im just wanting him to help out a little with things like that to involve him more. He says he loves both of us etc etc. Problem is because I've done it myself for this long and my son isn't biological his I don't want him sort of feeling responsible for him because it wasn't his choice to have him it was mine so I take full responsibility (biological 'dad') isn't around and I struggle asking for people to help because it was my choice. What's the best way to approach this topic and suggest he start to sort of help out????
6 Replies
I'm not sure you can ask him to do those things, if he was offering to do it that would be his choice then. Does he have any children of his own? If not he may not think that he can help out in that way?
Why not just ask him, say something like "hey hunny can you please run little one a bath while I get these veggies done", start off small and if he doesn't have children of his own he will gain more confidence in helping out. Have a chat to him also about what he is comfortable doing, he chose you and your son don't feel like it wasnt his choice at any stage he could have walked away by this but hasn't, it's ok to ask him to help out.
I wouldn't ask him to do the nappy. I would ask if he could fix a snack, get a drink or whatever. I wouldn't expect much though unless he moves in.
I guess I'm a little different to the people who've already commented.
As a step parent and a mother myself, I got into the relationship knowing there was another child and that I'd have to help out.
We only have short visits with my step daughter, but I'll be the one to make her drink, get her snacks, pack her bag, etc. just to help my partner out so he has more time to bond. I wasn't asked, I just did.
Because he pays rent/groceries/etc, I also pay for anything his daughter might need. It's what works best for us.
I know that if my son ever had a step parent, that I would want him or her to be hands on. I would expect them to occasionally feed or change the child in question. But obviously to not be doing it all the time.
You get into a relationship knowing someone has a child so, in my opinion, you sign up for the responsibilities that come with it. And that includes an odd poopy nappy here and there. :)
Talk to him about your concerns. Maybe he's worried about overstepping his boundaries or maybe he has no clue what he's doing.
Good luck, IM x
He isn't a step parent yet. He doesn't live with you. You have described yourselves as dating.
Maybe he's scared or just not sure? Just ask him and see what he says. Also, in my eyes if he wants you then he has to want your son too or that's a massive deal breaker.