Hello,
Just needing some advice. My ex partner and I split up 6 months ago, it wasn't a very good relationship which resulted in him having a domestic violence court order. I currently live with my 2.5 month old daughter and he has her once a week. Of course he is wanting and trying to have us back together but I am scared things will go back to the way it was. Does anyone have any advice as to is it better for my daughter to have separated parents or see us arguing all the time? She is my number one priority, she would love us together. Also do men ever really change when it comes to domestic violence, the emotional abuse and lies?
4 Replies
Do not go back. His wanting you back is all part of the abuse cycle. You go back and things are in a honey moon phase for a little while and then it gets worse than before.
Your daughter is far better off in two separate homes with no arguing. Arguing and DV changes a child, it becomes there normal, it teaches them that it's acceptable and normal and to put up with it. Children who are in homes with DV and arguing have much higher stress levels than other children.
If I was you Id absolutely stay away, the only way I would even vaguely consider going back is if my ex underwent intensive, longterm psychological help, and counselling but even then it would be a huge risk.
I know how hard this is, I've been in a DV relationship & you truly want things to work & be a family. Before you consider taking him back I would make him go to a psychologist & get help as the issues he has have nothing to do with you. Then maybe if you can see over time things have changed then live separately & trial things for a while. I know my eldest daughter suffered due to dv even though she was a baby psychologically it does affect them as in that DV situation you'll always be stressed & in fight or flight mode which even babies pick up on. Maybe seek counselling for yourself, I know all too well how easy it is to get sucked back in because you want to believe that it could be a happy ever after. Good luck & always put you & your baby first xo
Don't go back. They don't change, the relationship would go back. And how would that affect you both for a second time. And remember how hard it was to leave? You've got this far in separating, it's hard, but keep going. Your daughter doesn't understand her choices, she will thank you one day when she sees the.world.and the way of,life through adults eyes. Keep going your own way, you're doing the best for you both. Xx
I just have one thing to say about this... It's all about the red flags babe and don't ignore them! Recognise them for what they are. Personally I think they can't change. Good luck.