Hi
I have two sons. My eldest is 9 - crazy sports mad kind of kid who seems to naturally pick up the rules of the game pretty easily and loves being outside running around. My youngest is 7 and easy going, not phased kind of kid. He is much more creative and just laughs when he is participating when he is competing in sport.
Mr 9 plays various seasonal sports and does quite well getting chosen for special comps but sometimes, like this morning at little athletics, he has a complete meltdown when he doesn't do as well as he would have liked in an event - so today he came second in a field event. He is so passionate and seems to put so much pressure on himself I think it sometimes takes its toll. But when he is like this, It can take up to an hour to get him to unravel and want to do the next event. Crying, shouting and because my husband doesn't understand what he is feeling they always end up arguing in front of everyone (so I end up managing them both!!) eg Today my husband told him to shke the other kids hand who won and my son refused - so they argued and my son told him to shut up in front of everyone. Unfortunately I was not there this morning but I got all the calls and text messages and have tried my best to calm them both down.
To be honest, this has been happening for years every few weeks. We thought he would grow out of it but hasn't.
Has this happened to your child? What did you do?
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2 Replies
i would try spending a lot of time talking about winning isn't everything, trying is the achievement, but the score or outcome is unimportant. This is going to sound mean, but I'd set him up for failure in the home environment more. Eg set up a game and make sure he doesn't win. That way he is practicing loosing in a safe private environment.
I also would not make a fuss when he wins anything. Other than well done, I'd make a point of congratulating competitors for doing well.
A lot of the work would need to happen away from the competition environment. As the Comp environment is probably too intense for him to learn in (for him) at this stage, once the ground work has been set at home though.
I'd also practice modelling loosing. Basically, loose but say the feelings that you think he feels when he looses but also model good sportsmanship. Make a point that you can't win all the time, everyone has there turn at being good at something and that even though you are sad you lost, you can see what a good job the other person did. Point this out in lots of different settings.
You could also try making sure he watches sports and interviews with the non winners afterwards, something might sink in.