Ok here goes I have a 17 year old son , he left school as he had a job he really liked the job was meant to be three days or more a week , well this has not been the case and he is so lazy when it come to doing his jobs around the house , he has no respect for my self or his step dad who's been in his life from the age of 5 , his real dad is still in the picture and he thinks the sunshines out his ass , his dad dosnt pay child support , all my son and me do is fight and yell at each other , I have told him he needs to get a full time job or go back to school there's no way he's going back to school , as he's more hands on , I am over his crap all I do is repeat my self it's like banging my head against a brick wall, I am thinking about kicking him out, he can go live with his dad as he thinks he's so great, mind you my son only visits his dad and never stays , has anyone else gone through this I know I feel like the worse mum in the world I just can't handle his crap I'm in tears all the time and the stress , please don't judge me ,
10 Replies
Ohhh my gosh I could have totally written this word for word!!! Except that my son is still in year 12 (when he feels like going) I feel your pain but have zero advise, if you need someone to vent to please message me.
I wouldn't kick him out he is 17. This is the age where depression and just feeling really bloody lost with what to do kicks in.
This is the age where there childhood dreams don't come to fruition, they realise they aren't going to be a cricketer, or what ever. They feel totally lost, they are embarrassed because they quit school (and were probably finding school difficult emotionally, socially, academically so were looking for an excuse to get out) and they are embarrassed the job didn't work out. So don't want to go back to school and feel embarrassed and hated anyway but have lost there confidence in the job world. Straddling that world between child and adult can be terrifying if you don't know where you are going or even confident that you are going to get there.
So I'd be sitting down and having an honest chat about how he feels. If he won't talk to you, find him someone to talk to. If you can get him assessed by his GP for depression and anxiety. Take him to a careers counsellor. Find out what he would like to do with his future. What sort of jobs could he imagine doing??? I wonder what he feels about himself?
Of course he idiolises his father, it's mostly an act though. If his father isn't great that means part of him isn't great. They internalise everything and make it all about them because that is there age and maturity level.
Been there! Except my son was 15 when it started. It went on for three years. It was heartbreaking.
I didn't kick him out. He left on his own terms. Came back. Left again. Came back. Left again....
His problem was his friends.
When he was 17 he moved in with a friend of mine (my best friend. Pretty much his Aunty). It was 4 hours away so away from his friends.
He came good. He met a nice girl and now they have been together since.
Now he's 21. He works full time. He's a good kid.
It could have gone either way and if I had have kicked him out it probably would have.
Don't give up. Your son needs you.
You'll cry every single day. It's going to be hard. You have to do it though.
I wouldn't kick him out but if you haven't already I would stop the gravy train. Give him his 3 meals a day and that's it, don't do his washing or cleaning don't pay for his phone bills etc Tell him he needs to earn a income, if you kick him out it may back fire. In theory you kick him out he realize how stupid he has acted and how easy he had it, but it could possibly go the oppiste and you loose contact with him for a long period. Being a teenage is hard and 17 is a very difficult age, they think their old enough to do whatever they want but do not exept the responsibility. It is a phase that will hopefully pass, I personally know many people who have stuggled with this and my mum also had enough of my brothers attitude so he left and now we have no contact with him for nearly 5 years he has 2 kids that we have never met. So personally I have seen it backfire, it is a very tough stage in life wish I had more advice for you. Good luck.
When people say they need to stay home with there young children as that is when there kids need them most I always think 'you have no idea what is coming'. Personally knowing what I know now, I'd rather be more available for the teenage years! I think that's when our kids need us the most. Not to wipe there noses, and to give them a bath, but to dig deep emotionally and think about how real the world is getting, how scary it is to go from being a kid to adult, especially when you don't know what you are good at or don't know what career you might like to follow. A knock down at this age seems far worse and dramatic, I know to me as a wise 40 year old I wonder what I was so scared of, but at that age anything not working out really screwed with my head.
TAFE
I wouldnt worry about the school work or out bit....
If it was one of mine even if they enrolled it would still be my house my rules if you want different rules get your own house
Oh and charge board.
It's a tough one but you have to set some boundaries. If he's not studying he needs to be working and either living out of home or working and contributing financially and physically (chores) to the household.
Sit him down with a spreadsheet which details how much money you expect him to give you each fortnight for board, utilities, groceries and extras such as wifi and Foxtel.
Give him a start date so he has time to get a job, and after that take away all his privileges until he starts helping out.
In the end it will probably be the catalyst that helps him move out. He'll gain some independence which he'll love and will be a better person for it.
Honestly, he is your son. Have you ever often wondered why there are so many white people in nursing homes? Maybe it's just a cultural thing but you'd be searching a while to find an Asian in nursing home just because they are old. We don't kick our children out at the age of 16-17, we are at home til we are established then we move. So we have much more respect and we take care of our parents when they are old. People like you will end up in a nursing home! You wait!
I can't respond from experience but I don't think you deserve the kind of disrespect you are receiving. He is almost an adult, perhaps it is time he learnt what it is like to be one if he insists on demanding respect like one.
My mum sent me to live with my dad when I was 13 when I was difficult to live with. It ended up being a much better way to get along with my mum.
I can't respond from experience but I don't think you deserve the kind of disrespect you are receiving. He is almost an adult, perhaps it is time he learnt what it is like to be one if he insists on demanding respect like one.
My mum sent me to live with my dad when I was 13 when I was difficult to live with. It ended up being a much better way to get along with my mum.