I will apologize in advance for the novel, growing up my sisters and I dealt with so much instability and chaos. Our parents were sexually 'adventurous' i guess even that would be an understatement because its mentally scarred all of us and we faced a lot of judgement from people because of it, we were never sheltered from anything, like we should have been. Arguments occurred everyday about money they didn't have because my mum liked living off the government, we grew up in housing commission with strange people staying with us, father drinking constantly, we never had what we needed for high school so we had to either work for it or steal it. I'm explaining this because it's vital in deliberating a final decision that i really need advice for, my parents since then have separated and my youngest sister is living with my mum, they moved away from our home town so my mum could be closer to her boyfriend, her whole existence is dependent on a man it always has been and always will be she doesn't work and on top of that she's trying to get my sister diagnosed with a disability to claim the carers allowance. She doesn't have a disability, she's in year 11 and can't spell 'disability' but that's because she never got the attention she needs when it comes to education, she's alone in a new town now, put in mainstream school with a curriculum she doesn't understand and when she's not at school she's at home alone.
A couple of weeks ago my mum came over ranting about our father, he tries to distance himself but she convinced there is some conspiracy involving all of us and that we're trying to bring her down. We all just go about our lives, we're all adults and we actually rarely even see our father, after this my mum's sister got involved and we had an intervention, at the start she was defending my mum but after she heard what we had to say, how our past affected us and that we're just trying to do the right thing by our youngest sister she then decided that what our mother has done is completely unjustified and agree's that my younger sister should live with me because i have the time to give her the attention she deserves, i'm financially more stable and I have a room for her, were i'm torn is that if my sister does live with me my mum will lose a fair portion of the payments she receives and might not be able to afford her rent and i know she will absolutely hate me for it. But at the same time I fear for my sister's future and this neglect has already caused so much irreparable damage that i don't know what to do and I don't know if i should be doing anything, I know deep down i need to do what's right but i feel like i'm going to potentially ruin my mum's life while i'm at it.
Sister's welfare
Sister's welfare
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Education, Kids, Teenagers, Aspergers & Autism
8 Replies
Too bad too sad for your mum I say!
You can't blame yourself for what may happen to your mum. Your mum may not be able to pay her rent because I assume she's too lazy to go get a job instead of living off the system and using her children to do so. I think you need to be brave now and be a fighter for your lil sis, you can give her a chance! Who knows it might also give your mum the kick up the back side she needs! I hate to admit i thought a bit like your mum when i first had my kids and enjoyed staying home and getting all the benefits but it wasn't until I went and worked for my own money that I realised how satisfying it is and how much happier I am now working then just been given money from the government.
You said at the top no one protected you both. Now you have the chance to do that for yoUr sister, I would give her that over considering your mum. Your mum should want the best for both of you, but she obviously doesn't, sorry that's so shitty. Help your sister if you can.
Take care of your sister. Yes your mum will probably be angry at you but as time passes she will move on. However if u dont help your sister the guilt will stay with you. You know whats right here, even if your mum doesnt.
Don't worry about your mother. Look after your sister take her in and help her she is only at the beginning if her life not the end. Everything she does with her schooling now will effect her whole future. If your mum looses payments then so be it. She will have to get off her bum and get a job likes wrong else. Do the right thing for your sister and get her the hell out of their!!! Your a great sister for helping her and doing the right thing
Your mum can get herself a job! The Government welfare system is not meant.to be used to support people through their entire life, it is a temporary helping hand. Take your sister, the only one disadvantaging your mum is your mum. She's in the position she is due to the chooses she has made and your sister should not be made to suffer through your mum's choices when there is another option for her. Your mum will just have to support herself like the rest of us do instead of living off the government!
Sounds like a tough decision between your heart and your mind. I personally would help your sister though. She is already at a crutial time of development as a young woman and maybe if you are able to offer her the support of stable home life, you can help her to head down a more positive path. It sounds like it may hurt your mum but your sister is still young and it would be sad to watch her future be neglected. Best of luck.
Your questioning the effects taking your sister away will have on your mum... I wasn't in a happy house as a child so I understand a lot of feelings that may be there for you, the guilt etc. I am going to say something that I wish someone had of said to me.. It took me many years of pain, anguish and guilt to figure it out, in the end I had to cut contact to protect my children. She (mother) didn't give two hoots about how she made me feel for all those years of hell she put me through, she felt no guilt, no remorse, no pain. She only cares about herself. What she can get and how she can get it. My mother is an amazing manipulator! Can convince someone the sky is green, and I was the one to suffer. Ask your self if your mum really cares, does she have your sisters best interest in mind? Or is everything she doing for her own personal gain & benifit? The guilt is the hardest to get past, I was made to feel guilty for wanting a family, for moving out of home, for wanting to go to school. Getting past that is hard, but amazing when it's gone! What would you want someone to do for you if they were in the position to get you out?