Communication Book
My child has a camp coming up and my ex has been deliberately ignoring texts and entries in the book this year. (We had a huge disagreement last year)
Before this I use to write important dates, confirmation about school holidays and events. This year I really CBFd because he never responds besides I have ensured that newsletters get to him anyway.
He would know camp is coming up mid April and runs from Wednesday-Friday. He has Wednesday after school access so our child will be unavailable.
I am sick of it being one sided, the childish sulking and crap. I refuse to apologise and beg for mercy after standing up for myself or running after his partner to smooth things over.
Should I mention dates in the communication book or just leave it because I know for a fact that they read it? I know that they would cry foul about "not knowing" and insist on time in lieu. But I give up mothers day access and have for 4 years so I just feel like saying "tough shit!"
So should I say something about the camp in the dredded control book or not?
6 Replies
I would just write it in the notebook and send her to camp. They can't say they didn't know then. It will take you 2 seconds to write it and will cover your arse if he then complains that you didn't tell him. I know it's frustrating when you feel like you are doing the right thing and they are doing the wrong things. But if you ever need to go back to mediation you have proof you are doing the right things and he isn't. Take photos of communication book notes so you have proof, in case it's needed later!
Thankyou!
Yes. If you don't, then you are I fact the one doing "childish crap"
I ended up writing an entry. It's just frustrating.
Our child got an award for student of tge week. I put together a montage and sent it to his dad. No response.
I'm am just so "why bother" right now
We don't use a communication book with my stepson. We use a Google calendar that marks all the weekends and dates we have him. If there are any changes my partner messages his ex with a quick text e.g. "Reminder: Camp coming up on Wed." and that is all that is needed. We get the newsletters directly from the school (although they are often late). How old is your child? If they're old enough to attend camp they are probably old enough to start mentioning important school dates. If they are important events for the child and they're excited about it, surely they'll be talking about it?
It's up to the father to form a relationship with the school - meet the teacher, talk to the teacher about his role etc. Both Mother's Day and Father's Day are in our court order so you really should NEVER have to give up Mother's Day (or him give up Father's Day) even if it involved an additional pickup/drop off. Also there's no "time-in-lieu" if it's a school event for the child. The way a court order reads says something along the lines of 'during the time with the father, the father is responsible for the care of the child.. education, health etc' ... So basically if that Wed is when he'd have him, the camp is his responsibility (not that it means he has to do anything but it fell on your day, so tough). And I think you're right - the communication book is too controlling and it's supposed to make it easier to communicate with your ex. If it's causing this much angst and is only being used one way, and if it's not court-ordered, I'd say forget it. Let the father form a relationship with the child and the school. You only have to worry about your days and your care and don't give up any of your time.
I hope you can find a way to make it less stressful for everyone and just take the changes as they come. Children's lives are always going to need a bit of flexibility so that they can participate in life outside of both homes. (Just as an example, my stepson is with us this weekend but my partner is now dropping him off at footy practice and his mother will drop him off again after he's finished. We have swim school with our daughter and since we never really know when footy will finish it's easier for him to just get dropped off when he's done - even tho it's "our weekend", he's doing something he loves and he'll be home before dinner)
That sounds like a great idea!
I did once try doing a diary version of the communication book but they told me that was too controlling for them and it was "spiteful. "
I have also been told that I am not allowed to email, text or call her. .. if there's an emergency I can text her but oh my god. I'm only allowed to text my ex.
It's just crazy here.
I did end up writing in the book about dates so I will mention this to him.
I am just so sick of trying. I sent the father a text pic of our child who got an award... no response. I'm sick of it.