Hi All. So I was in a relationship for 3.5 years and have two children with this man who are 1 and 2 years old. I also have a child of my own to a previous relationship. He has children to a previous 23 year relationship. He has bipolar and has left me on and off for the last 3&a half years. We have not been together now for 8 months but have still been talking as he moved away. His ex wife told me (they were still very close as they had been together since they were 15) that he has been texting and had drinks with another woman in a group situation. She had a bf. She told me that he said he really liked this woman, that it was the best day when she text him first. There was a period when we didn't talk for a month, this was when this happened. I asked him if he had met anyone and he said no. He said in his mind he is still engaged to me. He always said to me that I was the woman of his dreams that if he wasn't with me he would never love again etc etc. He has been begging me since the day he last left to take him back. But my answer has been no not because I don't love him because I don't trust him not to hurt me again. This man was my world and my everything. I think about him all day everyday. I can't stop thinking about the beautiful times. Its been 8,months since i seen him but the feelings are still there.I want my kids to have their dad too. I guess my question is should I take him back or will he do this again. Am I overreacting? How do we rebuild the trust? How do I deal with the bipolar? I've seen a psychologist but it hasn't helped. Thanks Im'S
4 Replies
No, you shouldn't take him back. It sounds like you both have a lot of work to do before you would even be ready. No one person should consume your thoughts like that for that long. I think if you get back together you will both just repeat the cycle again. To get to a healthy place where you could even start to be healthy together you would need to be able to move past obsessing over the good times (because he will never ever live up to ONLY the good times). I can't understand why you are not remembering the times where he left you over and over and over again?
I would also want to be making sure he is being treated for his bipolar and following that treatment plan (bipolar does not stop you being in a healthy relationship if you are taking your meds, not drinking alcohol etc). Id also be insisting on relationship counseling before even considering if it could work. If he wont go to relationship counseling with you, then he isn't serious about making things work.
Firstly I think you should tell his ex that what your ex does being that you aren't together isn't your business so she shouldn't be stirring the pot with you and telling you his whereabouts, and also it sounds like the only reason you want him back is because you are jealous and afraid you'll lose him to someone else. This is no way to live. Chin up and move on :) he sounds like hard work!
Does his words match his actions? Do you feel confused by him, like you have to second guess yourself after talking to him? Is it definitely bi-polar? Sounds like you could be dealing with someone who has NPD. Google it, see if he fits the bill…. if he does, RUN!!! RUN!!! RUN!!! I gave a lier another chance when he got busted having an affair with his bosses girlfriend, he begged me, told me everything he knew would get me back…. then a while later did it again. If he's a cheat, lier, why would you want him back? That's NOT love, that's abuse.
No, you shouldn't take him back. Here are the words from personal experience: He will always do it. Every time you give him another chance it's another chance he can hurt you and let you down. My advice is: Run, while you can.
Those words he is saying to you are sweet "nothings." He says them because they make you rethink and question yourself and your decisions.
As for the ex, I think you should stop talking to her. Sounds like she likes to hurt your feelings by being spiteful. She is not helping you by letting you know, she's just hurting you.
If he wants to leave, let him go and don't let him lead you on any more.