Am after some advice please!!!!
I have been separated from my ex for approx 5 months. We have a 2yo. The ex is now starting to demand more visitation with our child. He currently has the child for 3 nights over a weekend every fortnight. He wants to extend this to week on week off.
I have no issue with the fact he wants to see more of his child (relatively amicable split).
My concern is how it will affect our child. Since birth, I have been primary care giver. Before the split I had to do everything, unless I demanded it done.
My other main issues are that he works long hours, and cannot guarantee that he will be able to pick him up from daycare the days he goes (his mother would be doing pick up). It will also mean he will be in care an extra day a fortnight.
So for those that have been through this, how do you approach it? My other main concerns revolve around the fact that our child hasn't adjusted all that well to the split, and there have been some behavioral issues since the split and share care. And I cop most of them because of how close we are (doesn't do a lot of it when he isn't with me, tantrums etc).
I just don't know how to approach this in a constructive manner, that will work in the best interest of our child. I also don't want to go to war with my ex over it (part of reason is that he wants to pay less child support).
Please no bashing. As I said I want them to have a good relationship. I just don't want to rock my child's world any more than it has been.
Further, any advice on how to schedule the week (mid week to mid week, week end to week end etc)
Thank you for reading!!
3 Replies
I would go in to mediation prepared to compromise. I would ask for 3 nights a fortnight plus one or two more nights at a separate time. Going in prepared to compromise makes you look good. If your child is in daycare on his days he has to pay for those days.
Also the beauty of being away from men who don't help around the house is they tend to survive just fine because there is nobody else to do it for them or tell them when to do it.
My ex tried with the week about thing too. For numerous reasons - I am strongly opposed to it. After length consultation with a child psychologist, she advised me that it's not at all good for the child - no matter what age. It opens up a whole can of worms too and puts so many restrictions on you. What's to say you don't want to move towns one day? What happens to your child then? Who does he live with etc? My daughters go fortnightly for 3 nights, then he has them one night a week (Tuesday) for dinner. Maybe that's an option?
In my opinion he is asking for too much of a change I think... Going from 3 nights a fortnight to "week about" is not even nearly in the child's best interest. I could not picture my 3 year old handling that well and your bub is only 2. I would increase slightly... I think after 2 years old it is appropriate for weekly visits so maybe something on the off week. 2 weeks is a long time between visits. Good luck to you and your family...