I'm a 39yr old single parent of a 15yr old son with a disability. For years on and off I've debated as to whether or not I'm gay, but my issue is, I don't want to be. Not because of social or family views but because I want the dream of a husband and family. I enjoy being with a man sexually but I enjoy female interaction more even though the last time I was with a woman was in my late teens early twenties. I feel so confused and want to find peace about this. I can't see a counsellor because my son is with me 24hrs with no respite and can't go out to meet people. I just want to find love but I don't know how. Please no judgements on sexual orientation please, just help me find my way through this maze of sexual confusion. Can anyone enlighten me with there experience and how they found peace.
7 Replies
Firstly I know how hard it is to get time to yourself. My son is older than yours but he is with me most of the time. I'm going to say in a caring way you need to use services available to you so you can get time for you! We can't look after our loved ones if we don't look after ourselves. Ring the commonwealth care link centre 1800 052 222. They offer respite for things like I need to go see a counsellor, or want to go out for dinner on Thursday night. They will also be able to put you in touch with who provides regular ongoing respite packages. For SA that's disabilitySA.
This is going to sound harsh but if you don't do that you won't find love. Wether it's online dating or whatever you have to be able to go out on a date occasionally as anybody who would come to your house on first meeting will be dodgy and it's a risk not worth exposing yourself or your son too.
I think your over analyzing wether your gay or not. You may be bisexual and so what! You fall in love with who you fall in love with. Being with a man is no guarantee of more children or a 'family' atmosphere. Our biological clocks are ticking and for some women (me) our clock has burnt out. Even if you met someone by the time you got to having more kids stage you'd more than likely need a lot of help to get pregnant.
So be with who you want to be with wether that is a woman or man. BTW I know some lesbian couples who'd be pretty hurt that you didn't see their families as families. Anyway I hope none of that was harsh and I hope you find what you are looking for.
Hi,
Thanks for your reply. I just thought I'd mention that in no way was I meaning I don't see lesbian families as families. I value all families of all race and sex. I do apologise if I have offended anyone, it wasn't my intention.
I dont think you did, youre talking about your dreams & expectations for your life, thats perfectly normal.
First responder here, I wasn't offended. Just pointing out that some people may feel that way and all families are families wether they are 2 women, 2 men etc etc I really do hope you find a way forward.
Sexuality can be such a fluid thing, always changing and growing and you may never truly know where about you are. I dont know where I am. I used to say I was bisexual, but I dont think I am. I think women are wonderful, beautiful, enticing creatures, but I am married to a man and have had the majority of my relationships with men. I am attracted to males and females, for different things. Dont label yourself, just go with the flow and see where you end up. Be comfortable and know that only you have the power to dictate who you are.
THANKYOU to the last reply, those words are so true.
I agree with this. I had a friend who considered himself gay, but he couldn't bring himself to be intimate with a man, only women.
I wonder if he perhaps had a gay experience during puberty and thought he was gay when in fact he isn't? I don't know. Just know he was lonely and confused.
I've also known people who've had sex changes only to become gay, because they were attracted to the opposite of their birth sex. I am hetro yet there is the odd woman that for whatever reason I find myself incredibly attracted to. So yes, it's all very complicated, I agree not to label, nor worry about it. Just get some time to yourself, (respite??) go and meet people and the right person will come along be that male or female.