My husband has become very fit in the last yr. we don't have sex anymore and are no longer physically intimate in any way very often. I have spent a long time trying to help this problem without 'bringing it to his attention' to no avail. So I tried talking about it and have been told he now thinks I'm overweight (I'm 5"5 and 53kgs) and I'm 'dirty' I don't want what to feel or think. I am a victim of long running childhood sexual abuse,something he is aware of and now when we do have sex,it is only when he is drinking and it gets quite rough, hair pulling,name calling and covering my face and mouth, something my abuser also did. When I bring this up all I get told is 'so???!!, you should be lucky you're getting it!' This has dredged up many feelings,most of which I thought I was long past. I don't know how to help our marriage as this has damaged it very much and I love this man.
Sex,childhood abuse, and marriage
Sex,childhood abuse, and marriage
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Self Care, Men's Business, Mental Health
10 Replies
go see a social worker or psychologist asap this sounds like real tainted love. If you haven't healed from your abuse you'll attract similar circumstances into your life until you do heal. Plus if your 5"5 and 53kg then your skinny!! Sounds like you need a real self esteem/self worth boost no one deserve to be treated this way.
I would not stay with this man even if you love him... He does not love you if he did he would never ever abuse you in any way and worse he has abused your trust by reinacting your childhood sexual abuse, very nasty!!! P.S I was also sexually abused as a child and i refuse to see myself as a victim but a survivor and I refuse to allow any person especially men to abuse me in any way..
Leave!! I don't advocate this normally, but until he sees what he's doing and get help and you can deal with your last in a healthy way it's not a safe relationship at all.
I would seek professional counselling, how can you still love someone who treats you this way? So sad, he doesn't deserve you :(
That is emotional abuse. Do not buy into it. You are not overweight. I am 5'3" and 62kg and I am not overweight - perhaps less firm than before I had a baby but certainly not overweight! If you do not feel comfortable with the rough sex, and it is very understandable why you wouldn't, he is taking an absolute liberty to do it let alone tell you that you're lucky to receive it. I also do not generally advocate leaving a relationship but I think there is something seriously wrong with this man and I think you are one hell of a strong woman who deserves so much better. Don't tolerate it, you don't have to. And actually it doesn't sound like your husband is as big a hit for himself as he seems to think,
Omg is all I can sorry. I'm sorry you have been treated like this ):
This is blunt but it's from the heart - Fuck him off NOW. What an absolute pig of a human being, I don't care what his "excuse" is. It is 100% inexcusable behaviour and he clearly has no intention of letting you heal these old wounds. Don't do it to yourself, even for love because by the sounds of it, he sure doesn't love you.
Absolutely 100% agree!!!
That's abuse, I wouldn't stay in a relationship if I was treated like that......
He sounds like a dangerous man to be around and you need to get out of that relationship. It sounds to me like this man is taking steroids, therefore increasing his testosterone levels which in turn makes a person alot more aggressive,nasty etc etc. I wouldn't even try and talk to him about it as many men will deny they are using BUT i would just go to a safer place. I have had friends beaten to a pulp by their bfs on steroids and you wouldn't believe the change in a persons personality whilst on them. He is taking advantage of your history and instead of being sympathetic about it he is imitating your abuser as he is wanting control. He is obviously very much in love with power and control and if this behaviour coincides with his fitness in the last year then more than likely he is taking drugs. U need to be on your own or find someone alot more worthwhile...don't tell everyone ur past, some people don't need to know and will prey on ur insecurities. Good luck xx