I'm writing to find out whether before having your children, whether you experienced the feeling I have soo often.
I'm young, mid 20's in a commited working relationship, I am qualified in my desired career. I don't party, did but no longer feel the urge ... I live a pretty happy life, except I struggle daily with the want, the need for a baby. I thought it was a feeling I could suppress, one I could distinguish with a hobby but it's a desire. I want nothing more in this world but to be a mum, my partner and I have spoken of this and have come to the agreement we want to buy a home before having children, so for us it's a 2-3 year period away. I understand this completely, I want the best for my children but how can I suppress such a want. I look around me and majority of my friends are married, divorced, had children and I feel jealously, hurt. I know, I shouldn't compare myself to others but my heart and hormones tell me otherwise. My question is how old were you when you became a mum? Would you have waited if possible? (I.e to complete other things beforehand) Has anyone else had this urge, want? How did you supress the feelings.
Please be nice.
8 Replies
I have felt that way since my mother bought my baby sister home from the hospital! From 5yrs old I always remember asking at birthdays, Christmas etc for a baby of my own lol I ended up having my daughter at 22yrs old and looking back now (4yrs later) I would have waited until we at least had our first home. Financially only having one income took its toll, I wanted a decent amount of time off but returned to work earlier than I wanted to because we just could not survive off the one income. This time around (planning number 2) we have set a figure for our savings account to be at BEFORE I get pregnant and trust me its a lot harder getting anywhere when I am paying for daycare every week, but it is do-able and something I wish I had of done before #1 as it meant I would have been able to stay home until I felt comfortable returning to work. Obviously though hindsight is a blessing lol and if I had to choose between the daughter I have and having one "at the right time" I would always choose her every time. Its definitely more of a struggle saving but we've come to accept that and make our situation work for us. Good luck though, 2-3yrs isn't long on a bigger picture but I definitely know how you feel x
I had my son just before I was 21. I wish I had waited. Life has been really tough financially. I'd definitely get a home first if that's doable. It will set you and your kids up for life especially in this age of ridiculous house prices.
I always knew I wanted children, it wasn't an urge though. I fell pregnant at 20 with my daughter. I had only been seeing my partner for 4 months when I fell pregnant. I was silly with my contraception, not taking it at the right time everyday. My partner was initially scared and was leaning towards a termination but we decided to keep her. I had zero dollars to my name. I didn't have a license. I was too busy partying and spending my money. As soon as I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant I saved 10,000 dollars over the next 7 months. I bought a car and got my P Plates 4 weeks after my daughter was born. My partner had money saved in the bank when I met him. We decided we would build a house so moved into my Inlaws house in the meantime. It was a nightmare not having our own space. We had a curtain for a door. His siblings complained about the baby crying in the night. It was awful and I felt so uncomfortable. The building of our house was supposed to take 12 months from sign up to finish but it ended up being 18 months so by the time we moved in my daughter was just over a year old. I was 21 when I gave birth. So to answer your questions, yes I wish we had waited to have more money in the bank, our own house, I wish i had studied. I really wish we had traveled. It seems impossible with a 2 year old! I really wish we had more time to get to know and enjoy each other before we became parents. But whats done is done and I do not regret my daughter for a second. Just the timing. I would not go back a change I thing but it certainly could have been easier if I had been smarter. Good luck
We would love a second right now but we are smarter this time and saving as much money within the next couple years as possible and enjoying the time we have with eachother and Miss 2.
And I totally agree with the other posters. It is tough financially on one wage. Ive had to return to work part time and luckily have family members who watch my daughter because day care is damn expensive. Children are expensive. Formula, nappies, clothes that last less than a season, pram, cot etc. a it really does all add up and although I think there is never a right time to have a baby, having a house and savings behind you makes it soooo much easier. My partner only makes around $900 a week. Could you imagine paying $400 rent per week, $150-$200 shopping, bills and then trying to save for a house deposit! That is why my sister has 3 children and almost 30 and no where near ready to buy her first home.
Yes I know exactly how you feel! I've always wanted to be a mum, even from a young age. I adore kids and I'm very maternal. My husband and I are in our early 20s and have been married nearly 7 weeks. We've been together over 4 years and lived together over 2 years. We are currently renting my MIL's house. We feel very lucky in that she allows us to treat it like our own place (putting up pictures frames/painting etc).
I think the older I get the more intense the desire for a child is. Some of my friends are starting to have children and my MIL mentions grandchildren nearly every time we see her. It's hard! I've got 15 months left until I finish my uni degree and it's a career that I absolutely love! (involves children). I don't have any advice for you because as you can see, I'm in the exactly same position as you!
Oh and we are saving as much as we can in the mean time. We'd like to get another car before I get pregnant.
All I ever wanted in life was to become a mother and wife. Married and had our first child at 23. Bought a house a 20. Honestly if I knew what I know now I would have waited. I'm now 28 with 3 kids. It's hard! Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do. I wish we waited, traveled a bit, had less financial responsibility at such a young age. I would definitely recommend buying a house before starting a family as it will become harder (not impossible) once you have children. Enjoy your freedom, enjoy your body, enjoy being selfish, you are still young and will have a family one day.
I was 20 when I had my first baby and 22 when I had my second and 27 when I had my 3rd. Yes things may have been easier if I didn't have a baby when I was 20 but I wouldn't change it for the world. I'm now 30 and I've been a stay at home mum for almost 10 years and we bought a house a few years ago. Yes it took longer but I don't regret having my first 2 children when I did.
28 and glad I waited. For me it was a good age.