Screaming child and grand parents +sister inlaw
Sorry for the long post and for spelling.mistakes. been crying all morning
I dunno what to do. Im 14-15 weeks pregnant withymy second child my son is 10 months old lately hes been playing up to the extent where we smack his bum and he just going back to doing it I feel guilty for smacking him I always end up calling my husband at work in tears coz I just cant handle it. He tells his boss and his boss lets him come home to help me (he has a new boss who is a decent person) I know I have depression and anxiety and ive had to stop taking my medication because im pregnant im at my wits end with my son to the point where I put him in his room for a tine out and just go cry and my sister inlaw and mother have threatened to call docs on us. Hes a very happy healty boy hes 20 kilos always fed bathed clean and he has millions of toys and its breaking me down. Im not the perfect kother but i do what i think is right for my son at the time.
with the grandparents (my mother and my mother Inlaw mainly) when I gave birth to my son I was only allowed to hold him for a minute same with my husband. We make the effort for them to see him but we arent telling them about #2 as my mother inlaw take my son and tells me to f**k offand that im not welcome and he doesnt need me in his life and my mother wont stop nagging me to say that I hate my son when I love him withall my heart. My mother made me say iive been feeling guilty ever since because she made me say it. Ibtold my husband last night about what my mothers made me say and he disnt get upset with me but hes angry. Since my son was 6 months old we have given up on making the efforts to involve everyone in his life as we are the only ones making the effort noone else is.
12 Replies
Oh honey, 10 mth olds are awful to discipline because they are in that cause and affect stage of their lives and don't understand the difference between good attention and bad attention (bring smacked). Don't smack your boy if it makes you feel bad. At that age I found modifying my environment much more effective. So if there were things I didn't want touched I put them up high, put a baby gate or child locks in areas I didn't want my boy to go. Things like this although hard work to get done will save you a lot if stress. Also ring around local childcares and see if someone can take your son one or two days a week to give you respite and also give your son other kids and activities to wear him out!
Please talk to your doctor about how your feeling he should be keeping a close eye on you and he might have some suggestions.
Your family sounds positively awful, distance your self from them or cut them out. They sound destructive not constructive.
Also get hubby to sort through your boys toys, so they are stored away, you can then choose 3-5 toys to get out each day. That way he won't be overwhelmed with the choices available and will be more likely to play with the toys without getting into trouble. But this age can be so challenging, your not alone but with strategies mentioned above things can certainly improve and will come in handy when the new baby arrives and your trying to watch two.
We are trying to get the real estates approval to make the house baby proof so he stops but at the moment they keep brushing us off. We arent allowed to put locks on doors or anything. Theres 2 childcare centres here but we arent willing to send him there as we have a few friends that send their kids there and they come home with bruses and in tears the staff there are nasty. And hes to young for the 2nd one and we arent willing to let skmeone watch him as everyone one we know with kids their houses are full of dirty nappies and he cimes out full of rashes when we leave from visiting for not even 5 minutes
get a play pen then put your son in it with a few toys. You can get them from the hardware store and not all child locks need to be attached. You can also put a play pen around the TV and dvd player or whatever as kids seem to go for those :)
I get it I rented but I did it. This age I reckon is EXHAUSTING
oh and baby gates don't need to be permanently attached, they can just be held in with pressure.
Okayy and thatnkyou for your help and support its really appreciated
You can get baby locks that don't require putting anything there perminatly and baby gates. Take some toys and rotate them. 10 months is a hard age because smacking and time outs are effective really but just distract and a stern no. As for mil and your mother try to phase them out, they are only bringing stuff into your life you don't need. On weekends get hubby to watch bubs so you can go do the grocery shopping and just relax alone for a little while. Also talk to your doctor. Good luck
You can get baby gates, play pens, door locks etc that aren't permanent attachments, ask your doctor if there is another medication that is safe to use whilst pregnant, with all 3 of my pregnancies I was on antidepressants and the doctors would not let me stop them, put your 10 month old in a pram and take a half hour walk every day exercise releases endorphin's and you will be happier for it. Don't have any contact with your MIL or mother that is unnecessary they only seem to be bringing you down. All kids come home with bruises when they go to day care it's because they are learning and adventuring and are allowed to be kids and climb and play with things they don't do at home. Trust me my boy started at daycare and came home with a bump on the head the first day he went (I was a cotton wool/ helicopter parent until I realised he isn't going to break just from a little fall or a knock) make some new friends the ones you have don't seem to be right for you. Smacking really isn't ok for a 10 month old a stern no and a tap on the hand is all that's really needed. Smacks on the bum are an older child thing and for really severe bad behaviour (I know I'll cop some flak for that) look at your sons diet and remove most artificial sugars and try and take out preservatives especially 331 (I'm sure thats what its called) and see if anything changes.
so true about the childcare :) they love it and sometimes teary just because they have been so busy!
Your little guy sounds bored. If your not wanting to do daycare which is what I would do try and find a play group or mother group to take him to play with other kids and wear himself out. I don't like perminate locks in my house either and went to bunnings and bought locks that where just attached with adhesive they where 3 dollars for a two pack. As for mil and mother I would cut them out. If they can't believe in you and support you then your better off without them.
Hi., sorry to hear you are struggling. Two things 10 mth old doesn't understand smacking, truly they don't. And I hope the 20kg is a typo my 2 year old is 14kgs! Play pens and baby gates are fantastic.
Please get professional help ASAP as I think you could be spiralling downwards.
Xx
Sorry to hear you're struggling. Something is definitely not right here - I hope you've made a typo mistake on either the age or the weight of your child?? The average weight for a 10 month old boy is roughly somewhere between 8.5 and 11.5 kg. And smacking and time-outs for a 10 month old doesn't sound right - if you are indeed doing this for a 10 month old, it's no surprise that he is just doing it again. He's too little to understand those things. Like other people have been suggesting, you need to modify his surroundings to protect him from dangers, and to protect your own things from being grabbed by little hands! And while I understand your frustration when he ignores you, I'm also not at all surprised that your relatives have mentioned involving DOCS. The fact that you think smacking and time-outs should teach a 10 month old baby how to behave is very, very concerning. You need to take yourself to your GP urgently, and if your GP doesn't help you with medications, the Triple P parenting program, and some counselling, see another one.
Maybe it is a typo and the IM meant 18 or 19months. 10 months seems a tad young. Especially with her son being 20kgs. Just a thought?