Hi IMS,
I honestly don't know what to do, I can't go a day without seeing my mum and it isn't doing me any favours! I am constantly stressing that she is judging me and if I do something different to how she would she judges me, I went back to work because she brainwashed me into thinking now days you can't survive as a one income family, it sent me into major depression as I wasn't ready, I recently lost that job and I feel she is judging me again. I am always making sure she has everything (I go without) just so she is happy. I am lost and need advice on how to stop all of this. I think about committing suicide just so I don't have to deal with every day life, thankfully the thought of my child having no mum scares me out of it. I have tried prior to having my child and not been successful. I am planning on moving far away in the new year once I have sorted everything out around me. I am in my 20's and I am scared of doing wrong by my mum.
Scared of failing my mum
Scared of failing my mum
Posted in:
Self Care
5 Replies
Oh definitely time to create some distance between the two if you. Do you have a psychologist you see? If not go to your GP and get a referral and tell them about your relationship with your mother. Are you taking medication? They can certainly help you work through this. I'd also start to set yourself some boundaries and go through a weening off period. So starting to only see her every second day to start of with then every third. Also start to look at some hobbies etc. you are not responsible for your mothers happiness. It's time for you both to get your own lives.
My mother is completely overbearing. She drives me crazy. Constant advice and nagging me but she thinks she is helping. She would t respect my wishes when I told her that I didn't want her there for my child's birth, she told me she didn't care, she would be there whether I wanted her there or not. So I didn't tell her....until 3 hours after baby was born! She did not cope with that at all! I am not a mummies girl, I don't like help and I push her away. It upsets me that I can't have a normal mother daughter relationship but she drives me crazy! Try put some space between the 2 of you, don't tell her decisions you make so she can't have an input. Take your child for walks at the park and leave your phone at home. Laying the foundations for change. Thinking of you, I know how hard it is!
I think you need to start thinking of what you want from your mother/daughter relationship and what you would find acceptable. At your stage in life and with children you need to have people around you who support your decisions even if its not the way they would do things. A mother shouldn't be leaving the impression that they are constantly judging you, i think society already does enough of that we don't need the ones who are meant to love us unconditionally. Its nice that you want to not wrong your mother but you cannot live how she wants its how you want to live and as long as you aren't doing anything illegal you shouldn't let anything get to you. If you think that moving away will help the situation then do so but if you can talk to your mother about how you feel and what you expect from her. Maybe it hasn't struck her yet that you are not her little child anymore and that you are an adult even though she is a grandmother.
This ones for your mum- maybe she's seen you struggle and try and commit suicide before. Maybe she's petrified you'll try again. Maybe this makes her continue to treat you in this way- this is her way of guiding you. At the end of the day she's your mum. Moving away is a drastic step, put boundaries in place instead. Manage her fears by speaking frankly. Have you told her what you've told us- a caring soundboard of faceless mum? Maybe it's time to tell her.
I have told her and she doesn't care