Hi IM's. Please don't make me feel like a bad mum, as I already do. I was never one to want kids, I always used to joke with my own mum that she would remain grandchild-less from me, and should rely on my brother to bring the grandkids to the family. But, when I found out unexpectedly that I was pregnant, I was overjoyed and embraced it. My daughter is now 1.5 years old, and is the most beautiful thing. She does bring so much joy to my life, and I enjoy watching her grow. Most days, I feel like I'm doing alright - we do fun things together, we play in the park, we cook together, do lots of educational things. But more and more I feel a growing resentment. Not towards her, but toward motherhood in general. I miss my lack of freedom, I miss alone time, I resent that I have to plan everything around her and that if she's in a bad mood or tired, I have to change my plans. I miss that I have to schedule my gym around when my husband will be home to care for her. I'm getting tired of constantly picking up after my family. Some days, I can't do anything except put Peppa Pig on TV and count down the minutes until nap time :( I even find myself shouting at her (she's a baby!!!) sometimes. My husband is a great father and very supportive, but he works a lot and mostly it's just myself and the baby. I know this must sound silly compared to some problems, but I'm starting to feel like a bad mum and I don't want it to get worse. We don't have family close to us, so I can't ask someone to step in every now and then while I take some alone time. I love her with all my heart, but I know I don't always show it. I never want her to ever misunderstand and think she's a burden or feel unloved, because she's been an absolute blessing in my life.
So my question, I guess is: How do I accept motherhood and stop resenting the fact that I can't have as much alone time as I used to, that there's going to be interruption to my plans and just enjoy things as they come? Am I alone, or has anyone else ever felt like this? How did you change and cope? I feel like I'm going crazy!
4 Replies
Firstly put her in daycare one or two days a week. Having one or two days that you can just go and do what you want on will make the world of difference. Make mum friends, by trying out some playgroups etc. having mums to talk to can make it seem less isolating. Also remember this too shall pass, kids are needy at this age it gets easier, they can be dragged around a bit more.
No advice, but I could have written this about myself! So, you are not alone in feeling like this and I feel the guilt too. The xx
Oh darl, I so relate to all of this. I often wonder why I dont feel all gaga other motherhood like some mums I know! I struggle with one yet they pop out 4 and go back for more! I like to think we will grow into it and learn to enjoy it more as time passes. My girl is 2.5 years old now. I still struggle! My boss asked me when she was 6m old if I wanted to come back 2 days a week. I jumped at it! I needed that time away for me, time to have a coffee, time away from kid land. Its ok to miss or even grieve a life you were used to. It doesnt make you a bad mum, just human. Thanks for your honesty, I hope you find your way x
I think you've reached a stage in motherhood every mother reaches at some point.
One I'm currently in also. I'm a very young mum to two of the most beautiful little boys, 5 and 7months. I had my first at 16. Both of my boys were a big surprise! While given the option I would never change having them. There is times where I think "it would be so good to just worry about me" or while I watch all my old friends travelling, and all things I would have liked to have done before kids. I get a little upset, My life was put on hold for my kids. We struggle financially, partner an apprentice, and I have yet to find a job to accept someone with no experience, didn't finish school and has kids. Money is tight. Often i think how much easier it would be without kids. But then one smiles st me, or the older one gives me a cuddle and tells me how much he loves me. Then I snap myself out of it, I'm not missing out on anything. I've gained meaning to my life.
Your not a bad mum for feeling the way you do whatsoever. I gave you my insight so you know your not alone.
Us mums have it tough, gosh we can't even shower when we wsnt (currently waiting for Mr 7month to cooperate so I can have a shower lol)
Breathe . Take some time for yourself. And remember your not alone <3