I can't get this niggling feeling away that I would be happier if I hadn't of had a baby. I've always wanted children, but now I have one (he's 16 months) I just don't think I'm cut out for this parenting business. I feel like a stranger even to myself. I use to be so calm and have so much patients, but I just find myself getting so angry with him about, well frankly, being a baby. It got to a point today I even yelled at him that I hate him. I feel awful. My husband is FIFO, always has been our entire relationship. I didn't mind when we were childless, but now I feel I definitely have the raw end of the deal. Our relationship has changed, and I know it is me that is problem. I miss the spontaneity of life when I was childless. I miss my alone time. I'm back working part-time but even that hasn't really 'fixed' my feelings.I'm seeing a psych, but don't think we are on the same page. I have family/friends/mothers group etc and I do tell them I'm struggling but there is only so much they can do, they also have their own life. Everyone asks when we will have another one. Frankly, I couldn't think of anything worse.I don't think I would ever leave my husband or baby, but it has crossed my mind. I know I would regret it, but living this life I also feel is a bit of regret.I don't have a question really, just wanted someone to listen.
9 Replies
Please know that you aren't alone, we've all had days when the thought of going back to your carefree childish days seems like a dream come true. I have, to be honest, the easiest happy carefree baby I've ever known, and I think how much easier life was before. How fun it was. How fulfilled I felt with my work and having an actual social life. I never really wanted kids and it's so much more life consuming than I ever thought. I think about my life and who I am now and just think "what the f*** happened to me??" But then bub smiles at me when I enter the room or puts his arms out for a cuddle and I melt inside. Motherhood is hard. So damn hard. If someone had tried to explain it to me before I was one I probably would've thought they were being dramatic or seeking attention. Pls just know that you're doing a great job and we've all been there. I posted in here awhile ago about similar feelings and 1 IM wrote that one day she was physically holding her kids door closed with them screaming and pulling on the other side because she was so angry and frustrated she was worried she was going to hurt her. Whilst I found this quite funny it totally illustrates how emotionally and physically draining motherhood is. We've got the toughest jobs. Ever!!
And if you aren't getting on with your psych try someone who you click with better.
I read that you are not feeling like you are in a good place right now. I believe it takes time to make the huge transition to motherhood. Some men are the same but others never have to face this big change in who they are as they are too busy working. There is a lot of joy to be had but also a lot of hard work. Ask for help and a little break when you need it. Sometimes just a little break recharges you. If you are not getting the help you need from your psych then maybe think about seeing someone else. Also try to schedule in some time for yourself and also time with your husband- child free- if possible. Everyone does go through periods of difficulty but not everyone talks about it.
I could have written this, know you are not alone. I didn't feel this way with my first two children but since having my 3rd I also feel I'm not cut out for this. It hasn't helped my youngest baby has been unsettled and difficult from birth. I don't have any advice, just know your not alone x
I have a 1 and 3 year old and I remember when my 3 year old was born I would look at childless friends and be sooooo jealous that they could be so carefree and do what they wanted when they wanted. I got over that in time but I still sometimes have those thoughts!! I reckon u should try and find something for u that is what I am trying to do !! To regain my sense of self ! Being Mum is soooo hard at times and Mums often don't talk about just how hard it is. Big hugs xxx
Possible depression or pnd.
I get like this when I'm starting to slip back into depression.
My initial thought too and definitely something to be checked.
Definitely go to GP and speak to them as I am not saying you are depressed but it might help just to get ur thoughts out. Even getting a referral for a psychologist for some sessions. One thing I have learned as a mummy is never to hold those negative thoughts inside.
Reading this I know how you feel, I think at some point or another we all have felt like this. The simple pleasures of groceries alone, being able to sit down and not worry about cleaning up, having the option to sleep when im sick; they are the things I miss most. I was a single mum of three and had no break for 8 months and finally I cracked I sat down and cried and cried, my daughter (she was 5) came outside to see me sitting there asking myself how it go to this not being able to breath alone, she said to me "it's ok mummy, today is a bad day but tomorrow is a new day, it will get better and we will make it happy". Such expirence in such an innocent way out of this little mouth just shook me back to reality. I stopped and looked, really looked at how my life was how it turned out and really saw how lucky I was. Now anytime I feel like that I turn around and think of that one moment that little voice saying those words and I look at what is around me. What my daughter did not realise was she brought me back to life that day when I felt like it was over, the moment of pure love and innocents she showed made me realise there is always so much more I want to witness from my kids.
Yep this could be me too at times. My gorgeous little boy is 17months and sometimes drives me crazy. This toddler phase is such hard work because they're constantly on the go and don't really understand consequences so discipline is incredibly hard. I also used to be a pretty chilled person, but found myself shouting and roughly pulling him away from the tv cords the other day. Felt just terrible and promised him and myself I wouldn't behave like that again, because at the end of the day he's just being himself - a toddler. We definitely won't be having another one. So glad we had him though because the cuddles and kisses are amazing.
Just remember you're not alone. Being a parent is incredibly hard work. Not enough people talk about it.
You'll get through it. Ask your friends and family for help when you need it, especially since your partner is away a lot of the time.