Hi. I have 2 children and am now 10 weeks pregnant with #3. Hubby and I are thrilled about this. However, I have just found out my brother and his wife have been trying for baby #1 for almost a year with no luck. They are currently doing tests to find out why and it's not looking good for them. Apparently my s-i-l is quite upset over all this, which I totally understand. I have not yet told them we are pregnant, and now I have just found out all this. My question is what do I do?!? Do I tell them we are pregnant and upset them? Wait a bit, risk them working it out for themselves after seeing my growing belly and them getting upset? I don't want to hurt or upset them, and want to be totally understanding and sensitive to their situation. Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks xx
Reavealing pregnancy to family that may not be able to have children...
Reavealing pregnancy to family that may not be able to have children...
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Pregnancy
8 Replies
Tell your brother. You being pregnant or not pregnant won't change there issues. They are going to find out sooner or later, so just tell them.
Definitely tell them sooner rather then later. Its going to be hard for them to hear but it will be harder for them if they find out last also.
tell him, the emotional side of things is something you cant handle for them and you cant shelter them from it either, who knows one day they may approach you to surrogate.
Just tell them quietly, they are going to find out anyway better they know now than feel more left out and isolated. Congratulations :)
I would tell them sooner rather than later as finding out from somewhere else will always be worse. From the other side, being a Mum who has had trouble falling pregnant while everyone around them seemed to fall pregnant without trying, I did find the news of other people's pregnancies like a punch in the stomach, but it did not stop me being happy for the other families, I just needed some time to work through my own feelings. It would have been worse for me finding out that people were trying to shield me from it. Good luck with your beautiful bubba :)
When I fell pregnant with my first we found out my brother and sil were trying for a second with no luck despite ivf. They did not accept our news and don't speak to us now. We were very respectful when telling them and at no stage did a song and dance like most first time parents do yet they still haven't accepted it and our son is now 5. Understand that despite the best of intentions, not everyone is going to accept your joy or be happy for you. That is their loss and you should in no way discount your own feelings for these feelings. While I completely understand their stress and disappointment, it should not mean you cant have the same joy they would if it was them pregnant.
Tell them in person like everyone has suggested and offer to be a surrogate if they haven't had any luck in a couple of years, what a gift that would be ?
Please don't hide it from them, that would be the worst thing you could do. Go and see them on your own in private and tell them you are expecting and that you were unsure of how or when as you didn't want to upset them as you're aware of their struggles. They will be thankful that you cared enough about their situation to approach them privately and talk it through. At the end of the day he is your brother and he will be happy for you. Good luck x