My step-son has been living with us for 5 months now due to issues between him and his step-father. He is 16 years old and knows it all (of course which 16 year old doesn't).
He refuses to get a job, moans endlessly that we ask him to do any chores (feed dogs, empty bin, pack his clean laundry away etc) nothing excessive. Lies about the most insignificant and major things, then proceeds to get upset that we don't trust him.
He is well behaved at school but puts in no effort, when the school contacts us to say he hasn't handed in an assessment he has a myriad of excuses and none of it is his fault, in fact nothing is ever his fault refuses to take any responsibility for anything.
He's been caught both with us and at his mothers smoking pot, but he'll start to cry and blame it on his parents splitting up, it's his fall back excuses.
We are all honestly beyond knowing what to do. I am stressed, I don't want my youngest growing up thinking this is how to behave. He's been to councilors, doctors etc and they say he's fine.
We've taken away privileges, no phone, internet, xbox etc.
I am lost! What more can we do?
4 Replies
Firstly I would not worry about the job at this point. I'd be focusing on getting school under control. If he moans about doing chores that's fine as long as they get done. That's what teenagers do. You can't force a 16 year old to work but you can ask him about what his dreams are. Does he have dreams, goals etc. you might find he doesn't know what he wants to do with his future which means he can't see the point of school. I struggled with that myself. Does he know how to study?
PS just because the eldest behaves like this it doesn't mean the younger ones will copy it
Besides the pot smoking he sounds like a normal 16 year old boy to me!! Being a step parent is hard yakka, I know this because I am one. My step son is 13 and I have been in his life for 8 years, he has in the past tested me and his dad by acting upset about the other parent. At the end of the day we don't know how they feel or what is in their heads, but at the end if the day respect and knowing right from wrong should be all ways put to them no matter what the circumstance! Stand your ground with the respect that should be shown to help him become a grown up, it will get better just never give up on him.
Keep at it is the only advice I can give. Keep putting in the time and effort to confront him on lies, push him to do and be better, etc while making sure he has a home with you and he is loved. I began my spiral at 13 and started to come out of it at 15, I had slips but I always made an effort to improve. Looking back it was my grandparents that made me want to be better. My father and his wife wrote me off and my mother and I didn't develop a close relationship until I was already on the improvement path. Having people there who love you enough to care about your behaviour is huge to a teenager
Keep at it is the only advice I can give. Keep putting in the time and effort to confront him on lies, push him to do and be better, etc while making sure he has a home with you and he is loved. I began my spiral at 13 and started to come out of it at 15, I had slips but I always made an effort to improve. Looking back it was my grandparents that made me want to be better. My father and his wife wrote me off and my mother and I didn't develop a close relationship until I was already on the improvement path. Having people there who love you enough to care about your behaviour is huge to a teenager