My story is a little sad... I'm scared at this point. I don't know where to go or who to turn to. I had a guy I was seeing on and off for over 6 months he made out like I was the one. Come this month and he started saying he didn't know what he wanted blah blah. He says it's because I was such a c"&t to him the last 5 months (defo not true to that extent) I held him at arms reach because I had suspicions I wasn't the only one. I finally gave in and then bam he changed a few weeks later. Anyway he spent the night with me slept in my bed when he flew in from work. Then flew out for a romantic weekend away with another woman. Come home lied straight to my face. Saying there is no one else. But wants to be friends cause he doesn't know what he wants. I messaged this woman and told her and she lied straight to me no hesitation. Well a few days after he ditches me for her I find out I'm expecting. At first I just cried. I was gutted. But then I got excited it's my little bundle. Until I told him about it. He claims he cannot remember sleeping with me in January. (3 times in one night?! You can't fucking remember?! Really?) I'm having to change my appt place cause she works there and doesn't want to rub this in her face. What she finds out she's been screwing a taken man? I really could not give a fuck about her feelings. At this point she's just as much of a whore as he is. So now he says he wants 50/50 custody when little one is just a baby. He makes comments of how loaded his family is and I'll lose in court.
I'm stuck. I don't know where to go from here. I can't terminate but to carry a bub for 9 months just to hand over is not fair. What do I do??
I am hurting so bad. Now I'll have him on my ass directing my life.
Pregnant to a lying cheat
Pregnant to a lying cheat
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Pregnancy
11 Replies
Tell him it's not his and to get out of your life , you don't need a dirt bag like that in your life!
When I found out I was pregnant to a guy I really knew was not the right one, I went and got legal advice. The lovely lawyer sat me down and told me the chances (even if he had all the money in the world) of him getting custody etc.
So that would be my first step. The chances though of him getting 50/50 are like zilch! At newborn age dad's rights are pretty low as the only thing the court cares about is what's good for the baby and what's good for most newborns is to stay with mum especially if breast feeding.
Often these guys think they can bully/scare you into things by saying crap and as soon as you call there bluff they become big sooks and run away. Get legal advice.
Oh and don't involve him in the actual pregnancy. So no drs appointments, scans etc for him. He only gets to attend appointments if he behaves like a gentlemen.
Stop and take a deep breath! First, congratulations on your pregnancy. Second, get legal advice asap. I think you will find that your ex partner will have no chance of 50/50 custody (or any custody for that matter) while your bub is still a baby. Newborns who are breastfed need feeding every 1-3 hours. You do not have to leave your newborn alone with him unless court ordered and NO court will order that. It wouldn't matter if he was a millionaire. Judges don't take bribes lol, what is he going to do? I think currently courts don't organise any overnight visits until that baby is 2? Not to sure on that but it's what I've heard. And in any case it will take ages to go to court. You need to go to mediation first and if nothing is resolved then you have to wait for court. You just need to relax. Men like this always give empty threats to scare you into doing what they want. Get legal advice asap and you will have the upper hand.
Do not leave your baby with him if there are no court orders in place as he is within his rights to take her and not return her. Make sure you always have supervised visits. Maybe bring your dad along?
Pretty much this guy is a drop kick and when push comes to shove he will probably walk away. But don't worry about that because you will have a beautiful baby to love and cherish. I wish you all the best.
Yep I was just like you! I walked into lawyers office and laughed and said "trust me honey if this ends up in court the judge will never give the father custody of a baby". He may be able to get the baby for 1 night (if that). But usually when they are so little they are supposed to stay with mum and can have visitations from dad. Ofcourse if your Brest feeding but even if your not you still have a very strong chance of keeping the baby. When the baby gets a little bit older he has to prove that he can take care of it and that the child doesn't become to upset without you there. The other thing my lawyer said is most men say they will fight you at all ends but in the end they can't really be bothered lol so don't stress yourself out
He will not get 50/50 of the little one. Maybe when older but they will leave Bub with you, I believe n have been told. Focus on yourself, stay positive, be prepared to do it alone then anything you get extra is a bonus Ignore him n think about your little bundle.
The court will be fair. He can't influence a court. Stay positive. Cut communication with him that's negative.
Cease all contact and hope that he has no proof of you actually sleeping or being together, do not put his name on the birth certificate, if centerlink ask who it is, say you went out one night, had a one night stand and dont know who the person was, if he is serious about wanting any kind of custody he will then need to prove to the courts why he believes he is possibly the father of your child - you cant just walk up to someone and say i was a paternity test... this takes time... then after that comes through, you go to mediation, and stall it as much as you can, if you can not come to an agreement in mediation, it will go to court, which could be dangerous if you look like you have tried to alienate him from a child that has been proven to be his. I doubt the court system would grant 50/50 anyway so try not to stress.... Big hugs and kisses, sorry your going through this
Lies, Threats, telling you he can't even remember having sex...
That's mental abuse. You need to speak to legal aid and a domestic violence unit now!
I would like to try and write from the guys point of view. I had a friend who was in the boys situation. He was a, well, complete slut. He would always brag about the amounts of women he had sex with, partied, drank and barely had a job.
He was once In a relationship, which ended quite quickly. Then afterwards we found out she was pregnant. We all questioned if it was his, but she denied it till the cows came home.
Once the baby was born, she still denied it and there was no fathers name on the birth certificate, she told us all there was no way it was the friends etc etc and we all believed her as she was very convincing. She kinda slipped off the radar after that, and we didn't really see or hear from her again.
When the kid was 4, my friends mum ran into her at the shops, took one look at the kid and knew she was related. A paternity test was then done and Yep, it was his.
Even though he wasn't the nicest person around, and didn't really treat women with respect. The moment he held his daughter for the first time he was a changed man. He was so devoted to his child that he stopped all of his vices and became the perfect parent. The ex made it really hard for him to see his daughter, but he persisted. And he is so glad he did.
My point. Having a baby is a huge massive gigantic thing. Maybe he is demanding custody as he is scared he will never see his child? Maybe having a child could change is ways? Maybe he doesn't know what love is untill he meets his little bundle of joy.
Not defending the man you are having a child with, but I'm defending the man my good friend is. Hopefully there are more like him out there.
Seek legal advise, cover all potential outcomes, and prepare yourself, no one can foresee what will actually happen. It sounds like an impossible situation for you, and I'm sorry if he's not the good guy, but I do hope things work out for the best with you and don't get too messy. We are all here to help if you need us. Thinking of you
Google narcissistic-personality-disorder…. if he fits the bill, actually even if he doesn't, from all accounts… i'd RUN as far as you can. The LAST thing you want is to have ties to this monster.
you can also leave his name off the birth certificate. If he really wants to have a relationship with this child he will have to go through the process of proving he is the dad, even if you know he is. Do what is best for your child and yourself!! And I agree with the other comments. Get legal advice.