Hi ladies, I'm in desperate need of advice, support, personal experiences... I've recently discovered I am pregnant with my fourth child. I already have 3 children under four and this pregnancy was very much unplanned and in most ways unwanted. I am considering a termination.
I was a stay at home mum after #2 arrived and we were struggling terribly financially so I've just recently started work at nights to help with bills etc. Money is still very tight and because I haven't been in my job long, I'm not eligible for maternity cover or paid parental leave. I just don't see how we would ever manage to keep a roof over our head if I kept this baby and lost my job.
But this is not a decision I am making purely on our finances - I am already stretched to my limits mentally with my little ones and I think another one would just break me. My husband will support me no matter what I decide but is not keen on the idea of four kids either. I am just worried if I decide on a termination, the guilt will eat me alive... I never ever thought I would be in this position, but here I am and I'm in turmoil over it. Does anyone out there have any experience with a termination after having children?????
10 Replies
My third pregnancy I terminated for numerous reason one of which at that time I didnt wasnt ready for another one (I already had 2 yo and a 1yo) physically, mentally, emtionally and finacially. And to be brutally honest I do not regret it. That was 11 years ago. I know that for my family and for myself it was the right decision. You have to put yourself and your family you have now first and be 100% with whatever decision you make. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
I read a study the other week, I wish I could find it. Most women do not regret the decision to terminate. Only you can decide how to feel.
Toughest decision you will ever make. I terminated my first and my fourth pregnancies (for various reasons not required here) and having had children the second termination was extremely difficult psychologically. 13 years later I have accepted it was the right choice at the time with the knowledge I had. And the two beautiful young boys (now men) I protected by making the choice are all the evidence I need. But oh mumma, it was a very rough time for the maternal brain. Get some counseling now and after your decision - which ever way you choose. Good luck and hugs oo
Kelly here from the IM team - and this question breaks my heart!
You have such a full plate already - so many kids at such young ages! Hats off to you for still standing and working and giving so much for them! Wow! :-)
I can only speak from the personal experience of having four kids. I want to tell you that I know you are stronger than you think you are!!
Some days are hard - and I don't know how or why we have four children - but I know I wouldn't give any of them up for the entire world. Yes I'm pulled in so many different directions - and life is busy and funds are tight - but I know that they do grow up and become less demanding of me.
I wish I had won the lotto and I could ease your pressure. I wish I lived closer and could help by giving you a hand - but I am here for you if I can help in any way. Just inbox the page if you need an ear to listen.
Biggest hugs! xKelly
Hi this was my question a couple of weeks ago. I also have 3 beautiful healthy children and I made the decision to terminate for very similar reasons, I had the procedure last week and I thought I would be emotional and regret it but I didn't at all and I'm happy with our choice. People said put the baby up for adoption you will hear that trust me but I know I couldn't do that after having a high risk pregnancy with my 3rd I wanna be here for my kids. Good luck and hugs to you for whatever you decide no one here knows your families situation and what it means.
We made the decision with our third to terminate. The situation to add to our family was not available at the time we struggled with money as it was and both worked full time and to be honest there was a selfish fragment in there as well... I did not want another child at all 2 was deff enough. Do I regret the decision I made no, was it the right one for us yes. Doesn't mean I didn't feel guilty at the time or find myself thinking "baby would be such an age today" but it was the right choice at that point in time. I personally think a part of you will always feel guilt and anger but for us personally we made the right choice at the right time.
I'm in a very similar boat right now (I posted last week about it)
I still don't know what I'm doing, but I've been "talking" to the little soul asking if it's really meant to be here, or is it ok to let it go
It might sound strange, but I've been dreaming about my other kids needing me in various scenarios, and each morning waking up calmer with the idea of termination, I think it's helping me process it, and my back and forth doubts are becoming more rational to deal with
I'm also talking it through with a counsellor (who by the way, basically told me in all his years of counselling no one has ever brought up the possibility of adoption, it's more complicated than the other 2 options on all levels, whilst in theory it's great, our culture doesn't actually support it in reality)
Everyone will have an opinion, based on their own experiences usually, so try to drown them out and focus on what's going on inside your feelings, thoughts, life, this isn't about "them", it's about you and your family
I was scared at 4, terrified at 5, and my marriage didn't survive number 5, number 6 seems more than I can cope with, everyone's limits are different, only you can work out where yours are, and make peace with that xx
These comments are breaking my heart. What do you mean exactly that our culture doesn't support adoption? Abortion is murder plain and simple, love. It is taking the life of another human being who deserves the basic right to life? I would happily adopt a child to save he/she from death - happily. And there are thousands who would too. We are talking about a life - a life that is not here by accident....
I terminated my third pregnancy. I had 2 under 2. I get hyperemesis and vomit for about 3-4 months all day, ,every day and neither of my kids were even sleeping through the night yet. I couldn't physically do it. I literally was at breaking point so we decided to terminate. BUT, in hindsight, I wish I didn't. I wish I pulled the strength from somewhere and kept the baby. My SIL has four kids and was going to terminate her last, but decided not to. And she is so glad she didn't. It was hard for her in the beginning couple of years, but they flew by. They're all in school now and life is easier for her.
I was literally in your position less than 2weeks ago. I have three children 5yrs, almost 4, and almost 2. I had hypremisis and was in hospital for two weeks before the termination. Although we always wanted 5 children, I could not physically, or mentally do it at this stage. My husband did not support my decision until a few hours before it happened. I have not thought about it to connect the emotions of what I did because I would not be able to deal with that. It was the right thing for myself and my family. Only you know what is right for you. People will judge, but only you can make a decision to live by. I wish you love and hope you get support from your family xx