I'm a 37 yo single mother to 5 kids under 11, 4 of which have autism, my only income is Centrelink and I'm surprisingly, earth-shatteringly unexpected pregnant, to my ex, my children's father.
I'm old, poor, already stretched and exhausted.
I have been breastfeeding, changing nappies, sleeping inhuman hours for 11 years straight now, I'm in absolutely no position to have another baby
But because I'm poor, I can't afford an abortion, because I have so many kids, I can't find a sitter so I can go to a clinic, lack of money and an already large family are my 2 main reasons for needing one
I have no idea what to do
Adoption actually causes me more guilt than an abortion, I know my kids would fall in love, and it would be 6 of us grieving instead of just me, and I keep imagining the child wondering why I kept the others and not them, I couldn't live with that
I honestly have no idea what to do or where to turn
I've been enjoying a rare "honeymoon" period with my ex, never intending it to go anywhere, just enjoying the company while it's good, but I know he can change in a second and become a narcissistic abusive "@&$.
I was being sooo super careful, I don't understand how this could happen, but miracle that it seems, I just can't do this
Yet it seems I really don't have a choice unless I can pull hundreds of dollars out of thin air
I'm so lost tonight, so scared :(
Pregnant and lost
Pregnant and lost
Posted in:
Pregnancy
13 Replies
Firstly this place provides free respite care in these kind of situations for kids with autism and other disabilities http://www.ndis.gov.au/families-and-carers/support-carers
It's australia wide and if you explained you needed a medical procedure you would have no problems getting free care for your kids.
So you are a single mother with 5 children, 4 of which have autism. Correct me if im wrong but wouldn't you be getting quite alot of money from centrelink? And now that its the end of financial year you should be getting a family tax benefit payout for each of them? And dont you get more money per child with any disability? Sorry but I dont see how you cant afford an abortion. Could you get an advance from centrelink even? There are even heaps of places that do small cash loans for unemployed people on government supplements. I dont mean to sound harsh but I feel you have any options and you sound like you have given up. You say you are old.. you are in your 30s. You are not old. Are your kids in school/day care? Could you get a part time job so you dont have to rely on centrelink? It would also give you some "me time". Why are you sleeping with your ex? Good luck.
this comment is not helpful. it should be removed.
I disagree. Life isn't peaches and cream. Sometimes someone needs to ask the obvious questions.
Thanks everyone for telling me how much money I have.
I don't really
Yes, I got my end of year payments
I bought a car, very cheap, because it's hard walking 5 kids to school, appointments, shopping in the rain etc
I bought myself a 2nd hand bed because mine was so old it literally fell to pieces and I've been sleeping on the floor for months
I bought a 2nd hand washing machine that actually finishes all the cycles, unlike the crappy one I had to keep restarting
And I bought a 2nd hand dryer because even though I pay $480 a week for a tiny shoebox of a house, it's squished between 2 huge buildings and takes 3 days for my clothes to dry in my cold shady yard
I bought new school uniforms for the kids because they only had one set each
I paid a chunk on childcare, electricity, and water bills
And then it was gone.
If I had known there was any chance of this happening, I would have put money aside obviously
My 3 year is in the middle of assessments, I'm still waiting on the reports to come in, but general consensus of her therapists are that yes, she is autistic
So she has weekly appointments, one week speech, next ot
The others have monthly appointments, plus the many many times I'm called to school for meetings or emergencies
Find me an employer that will let me take random days off, leave at the drop of a hat, work around the limited childcare hours available in my small town and I'll happily take the job, just for the company, the money would just be a bonus
I also went 3 years completely celibate because my kids are my priority, it's not possible to date with their high needs, and I was completely fine with that, but occasionally, recently, there have been a handful of opportunities to quietly sneak away with my ex, a man I loved dearly for many years, who doesn't freak the kids out by being in my house, or me in his, who knows my body and what it's been through, it was easy and comfortable, and after 3 years entirely welcome
I use contraception to stabilise my moods, they failed, spectacularly
I rang my local women's health centre, I was told the nearest clinic is 2 hours away, and charges $350 upfront WITH a pension card
Should I wait 2 months for when I'm eligible for a Centrelink advance?
And as for respite, maybe it's changed, I'll look into it again, but when I enquired about it before, I was told they only provide it for the children WITH a diagnoses, any child without one wouldn't be covered, I'd have to keep them with me, so there didn't seem much point to it if I still wasn't getting time to myself.
My ex is a full time student now after being made redundant, he lives on $300 a week, $200 pays for his rent, not much I can do about that or expect from him
But now I feel even more shit and lost, thanks for the supportive comments, but the rest, all you did was kick a sister when she's down
Still feel lost and scared
Oh, and I'm in semi-rural nsw
people have no right to make assumptions about the money you have or what you do or dont spend it on.
no one is in your position and knows your family better than you.
i was in this position i have one disabled child. i had an abortion.
my priority was to the child i had.
people who want to kick you while you are down on here can get knotted, judgemental opinionated people are not welcome to comment on situations that dont know or understand.
Dear 'Lost and Scared'...I never comment on these sites. I had to now. Please calm down and know it IS a miracle and there is a reason God has allowed this. I know you are scared. I know you feel like a ship at sea. Please wait. Please know that you would regret an abortion the rest of your life. With so much love and wishing I could give you a hug I want you to not give up on this tiny beautiful life inside of you..don't put his life out because you are confused about yours. He trusts in the heartbeat he nestles against and you can trust in God! With love from a fellow mother, S- mom of 5 under 6 Blessings!
I'm so sorry you've been treated this way. I've been reading the comments on the fb post and all i can say is we don't all think that way. Don't give up Lovely. Sending hugs and prayers and good karma your way.
Chin up Hun most people a just heartless, you will get through this you strong already and which ever way it pans out you will get through it, shit is hard and I know but think of all the positives you have now and if you don't have an abortion you one one extra bundle of joy and if you do you still have the beautiful children you already have don't let these nasty wannabe perfect people make you feel like crap because everyone has skeletons or have made a mistake they just choose not to be honest about it best of luck and no matter what happens know the future is never as bad as what our imagination likes to portray xoxoxo
I'm a 38 year old mum of 5, one with autism. I struggle every day to look after my children. It's exhausting and I feel old and tired too :( I can't imagine having four with autism. You are an amazing and strong woman!! I found out I was pregnant last week whilst on birth control and after much thought I booked myself in for a surgical termination because I struggle with the kids I have and don't get a lot of support with them. I had the termination today and I'm feeling good about my decision. It wasn't an easy decision but it is right for me. While I was there I paid the extra money to have the mirena put in so I don't have to go through this again. I wanted to wish you luck with your decision, do what's right for you and not what everyone thinks you should do. I also wanted to let you know that you're not alone. Good luck Xx
Don't listen to the morons on this page, this is another precious life hang in there... that life is more important than peoples views on sole parents and receiving Centrelink
I could only hope theres a mothers group or something close to where you live to give some sort of support. Church groups are good for that too...but I wouldn't leave my children with any Church person after the stories that have come out so that could be a double edged sword...
breathe deep. If you're really not coping talk to someone at the hospital.