Hi imperfect mums. I am after some advise. Although I am fairly sure what I need to do but it still breaks my heart. Sorry it is a bit of a long story.
Ok so we have a 16 year old foster son who we have had for almost a year. There have been lots of issues which we have had to work on with him. There have been a few minor drug incidents and theift issues. But we have worked on them and never really considered giving up on him. However more recently there was an issue where he was texting a girl he barely knows demanding she send him photos of herself without clothes. It was more than a simple request and when she said no he continued to ask her and say he would go away til she did. He had a girlfriend at the time. We were also aware he had been persuasive with his girlfriend at the time. They are no longer together but we are still close with her and I trust her. Today she has revealed that he actually went further than to pressure her and her did infact force her and it was under our roof. I am mortified. We have 3 other young children and I now feel fearful of whether he would be capable of being predatory with them. I have tried to do everything with this boy as if he was my own but now I feel I have to protect my younger kids first. But it still breaks my heart because I truly don't believe he is a bad kid. Has anyone been in this situation. Anyone got any advise. But please don't hate on me.
Predatory teen
Predatory teen
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice, Dating & Sex
4 Replies
No hate, good on you for fostering. Have you reached out to the foster care agency for support or other foster parents? Have you had a discussion with him about sex, what's appropriate etc. I can understand your concern for your own children and I suppose depending on the age gap I'd be more or less concerned. If your kids were toddlers I might feel safer because being inappropriate with girls around his own age does not necessarily translate to child molester. What rules have you put in place as far as mobile phone/computer access and girlfriends in the house?
You will find that this issue is a hidden culture amongst teens today. If people say that it is not happening, it is not true. We battled with our teen son for years on this issue, we went to the school for help, we actually took him to the police so they could tell him the dangers. They just do not listen. All you can do is tell him the risks, dangers and that it is in fact a crime. You have to monitor all social media activity, internet activity, remove phones etc, anything that could help this behaviour continue. In my sons case, he had things removed more often than not through the years. He lose it for months, He'd have it back some times only for days and then we have to remove it again. He is not a predator, he is a teenager from this generation.
We have been trying to work on all of this with him. And if it was just the phone stuff then we would remove all his technology. But I appears he has forceablly raped his ex girlfriend once and pressured her til she has given in many times. He likes the power of being in control and I am concerned for my younger children. I just wish there was a way to help him without giving up on this boy. But I don't know what else I can do.
You said you know what you need to do. Protect your younger kids that can't protect yourself. He is 16 and old enough to know better. I think your obligation first and foremost is with the younger kids. You don't want to wait for something to happen to them until you act on our instincts.