I've just found out yesterday that I'm 4 weeks pregnant. I'm so excited and trying for a baby was something my partner and I decided on together. Every time I say something about the pregnancy he sort of shrugs it off.
I said I need to watch my stress levels and he responded with 'it's only 4 weeks, you're hardly pregnant yet.'
I asked him when we should tell our kids (mine are 4 & 9, his is 9- all from previous relationships) and he said 'not until its real.' Meaning at 12 weeks.
I asked him are you excited and he said 'yeah but no point being excited yet. You're only 4 weeks.'
I understand he is being cautious but it's really bothering me!
Also, since we found out yesterday he's been so grumpy. He was building a taco and it fell over and he totally lost the plot!!
WHAT can I do to make him care?
HOW can i get him to snap out of this mood?
7 Replies
Every body gets there at there own pace. Give him time. Some people don't get into it until they are showing or kicking or whatever it is for them. I didn't want to celebrate until I felt the first kick.
He is aware of the statistics and is 'not counting his chickens until they hatch' so to speak.
Its only been one day for him! Give him a break and let it sink in. If hes still shrugging it off in 8mths time then worry
Half and half On this. Yes it's not 'real' to him, but youre going to need yiur partners support before 8 months along!!! He's allowed his own reaction, but he should be caring for you and yiur feelings equally to having his own. Sorry but it sounds like he does have feelings about it and they're negative. Also there's nothing you can d. I think you should have an honest talk about how youre each feeling though.
It's only been one day??? Chill down sister. Stop thinking about it so hard and give him time. Try and relax, it's a looooong nine months to go. All the best.
As someone Who has had many miscarriages, I completely understand where he's coming from. I was 22 weeks along with my first pregnancy before I purchased the first baby item and allowed myself to believe it was real. He may have a bit of history with the grief and disappointment of Miscarriages. Besides, men process babies and pregnancy is completely differently - you are already emotionally attached as it is growing in your stomach he needs time
Perfectly said sister. I can't agree more. I've had multiple miscarriages before as well, and every time we don't get attached. He's also probably in shock as well, he hasn't bonded with it yet, and that happens to most males because it's not on their mind 24/7 like it is with us. We feel every niggle, every change, every moment of nausea but they don't, so it's not real to them till they see a scan, a heart beat, a little jellybean.
Give him time. He will come around, and don't be angry at him or annoyed... Untill it's real for him it will be hard for him to bond with the Bub if you try to force it. Trust me, your first scan, it will be real And you'll be embarrassed :)
I'm the OP. I just wanted to give an update in case anyone checks on this.
Firstly thanks for your support and advice!
Secondly, he's definitely come around and is very excited. Now... does anyone have any advice on how to get him to stop buying so many clothes and baby things lol!! Talk about one extreme to the other!