Long story short, my 4 year old daughter has decided to start calling my partner of 2 years dad.
She tells me that she doesn't want her old daddy any more because she's got a new daddy and he is better than the old daddy. She also tells me that she doesn't want to see her old daddy because she wants to stay with me and be a family here. My partner and i are saddened by this and want to permote a healthy relationship between here and her father and he doesn't want her to call him dad because she already has one, he is a dad him self of our baby and said that he would be gutted if our son called any other man dad..
I dont know how to handle the situation and I feel like I'm suck in the middle of a triangle. Has anyone else been through this before?? How do I deal with it? I tell her she only has one daddy and he loves her very much more than any daddy could love their little girl but she bursts into tears and its hard for me to handle the situation.
6 Replies
Hi there!! First off its great to keep promoting healthy relationship for daughter and father... As for her step dad (which by the sounds thats what he is?) if your daughter feels comfortable calling him that & is happy whats the problem?? its a great thing ! Why cant she have two dads?? i think its a bit wrong to not allow her to call him that. anyways, keep up with the positive talks with her & seeing her dad
My husband calls his step dad "dad" and has done since he was around 12 yrs old. Sometimes it's not blood that means a father sometimes it's the time and effort the person puts into that child. If your partner feels uncomfortable with her calling him dad perhaps you can find a different but equally special name for her to call him.
I think you're taking a really mature approach, I just wonder if you've considered that while you and your partner have a baby that has mum and dad, she feels she doesn't fit in with that, or left out, and so desperately wants to be. Sometimes it's so simple for 2 year Olds. She wants to be the same family as her baby and to her that all just comes down to a name. It might just take a simple chat / reinforcement ( about you and her stepdad loving her and her special place with you all, not about her dad) to make her feel satisfied again.
I would definitely keep encouraging a positive relationship with her biological Dad but don't disencourage her from calling your partner Dad. My son went through the same when he was roughly 2.3 - 3 years old, he's now 4. At first my husband (his step Dad) and I were a little bit confused as to how to handle the situation but we were also in the process of seeing a pyschologist for my son who encouraged my son's decision to call his step father Dad. As difficult as it is to know what to say to her, by deterring her from calling your partner Dad may cause some confusion. Our pyschologist informed us that it is quite natural for a young child to make these kinds of decisions and to support it. It sounds like if she is comfortable to call your partner Dad that he must be doing a fantastic father role to her. Keep things positive and encourage her to realise that she does have two Dads and how lucky she is. Also let her know that she has a "real" Dad and your partner is her step Dad. Their little minds must have so much confusion sometimes and it's so tricky where you are standing. Hope this helps.
My husbands son used to call his stepdad 'daddy' and my husband 'other daddy' or 'daddy (insert name)'. You could see how much it hurt him.. As far as I know, he now calls his stepdad by his name and my husband daddy.
Every situation is different and I guess if that works for you guys then thats great. But definitely encourage her relationship with her biological dad.
Best of luck..
Why can't she call both of them dad? Or one dad and one daddy? At 4 kids are able to be rationalised with especially girls... She seems to be very mature for her age to make decisions like this... I think that if you sit down with her and explain to her that she can have more than one dad you will have a great outcome... Also talk to her and explain to her that she still needs to see her other dad... It's kind of like when a kid doesn't want to go to kindy or school we encourage parents to discuss it at home and make sure they have positive conversations about it... Discuss with her all of the things she likes to do with her dad or why she doesn't want to go...