Hi :)
I'm wondering if there are any other mothers out there who have ASD themselves, and also a child with ASD? After recently having our son diagnosed with ASD (high functioning) Both myself and my husband believe that I possibly have ASD, too. We've thought and spoken about whether or not I should be assessed, however it has been quite pricey having our son diagnosed, and I'm not sure our budget is going to stretch enough to have myself done right at this given time. But I also would like to hear how any other mothers who are diagnosed went about it, too, if they don't mind sharing. I do also feel as though I will not be taken seriously if I give it a shot. My main concern that I have is how do you control yourself when you feel as though you're heading into a meltdown? I have always tended to "shutdown" and disconnect myself from the problem - I do this by isolating myself from people, however, being a mum. I can't exactly do that. And, I know that everyone gets stressed at times, especially when you have children - but this is very different. When I normally feel this coming on - I start to lose the ability to speak, or my voice gets really raspy. My vision gets blurry. I really do feel as though my whole body is in fact, shutting down. I've had this happening since I was a kid - So it's definitely not a matter of feeling a bit down and overwhelmed by parenting - but where the real issue is, because I can't exactly allow myself to do this - it means my buttons are constantly getting pushed. Every noise my kids make, every touch they try to give me - just makes me feel as though my whole body is being slammed against a wall on fire. As I have said, I am very passive - I've learnt to keep it in and do the shutdown method instead of the meltdown method - But what do I do when I'm reaching that meltdown point instead? I have limited support. It's just hubby and myself, and our children. So sending them off to other family members is completely out of the question. Not to mention, I really don't want to resort to that as it is, I want to learn how to cope better and do my job as their mother better. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. The one thing I have ever wanted for my 3 boys is a calm and happy home. I know I am a good mum. But this is my flaw, and I do not want my flaw to affect my boys. Especially my son who is ASD. Because I want to set a good example for him.
2 Replies
Yes I'm on the spectrum and my son is on the spectrum. I was diagnosed a few years ago but my son was diagnosed in 1996.
You can get a mental health care plan that basically covers the cost of the assessment but if it's not something you want to go through there is still plenty of information out there Tony Attwood's website has lots of resources on it specifically around aspergers and women.
There are specialist diagnostic places for women in Melbourne, Sydney and Queensland. And yeah they will take you seriously and diagnosis of a parent is not uncommon :)
I find as far as meltdowns go is learning my limits, take regular schedules breaks and learning when I just need to say no. For me that means not allowing myself to get too busy by over committing myself to work and social engagement (to suit my comfort level).
Poster replying. I just want to thank those who've taken the time to read and offer advice. I definitely would like to be assessed, for my own closure with things. I feel knowing will definitely help me in understanding myself even more, and not to mention my relationship with my husband, and also my children. I am very lucky that he is very supporting, and in no way is he trying to make me believe or push the idea onto me. I came to him about it. I honestly don't know if genes play a role, and if they do, what role, from the mother or father, or both. But, it answers many questions I have had throughout my life. Many struggles I have faced, and still do face. Most of my "quirks" I have been able to accept as I have matured. But there are still a number of things I struggle with and would like help with. Communication for starters, I don't know how to overcome it when I do lose the ability to speak. The words are their in my mind, but nothing happens. That also brings quite a lot of guilt with it, because I desperately want to be able to communicate effectively when needed. Writing helps this issue, but id like to be able to work on it verbally. The shutdown/meltdown worries me. My children are very young. All under 4. There is not much opportunity to get 10 minutes in a dark room, with no noise, no interaction. Before children, I had so much time on my hands to be able to recharge as i needed to. And now, that's gone. I know their needs need to come first, but its hard. It may sound selfish to some.. Wanting, well needing to have that complete alone time. Without it though, it pushes me further. Its such a hard feeling to describe. And again, carries a lot of guilt with it. A part of me Is so glad and relieved that I could be finally getting answers... But the other part of me is terrified.