I am so lost and confused and need some advice desperately!!
My dad (whom I was extremely close too) downloaded some movies from his laptop onto my hard drive for my family. When I went to access them they were not the right files. They were photos and videos of my dad cheating with other women. It was absolutely pornographic!
When I called him to tell him he brushed me off and hasn't spoken to me since (almost 2 wks) and my mum is starting to ask questions as to why.
What should I do?? Do I confront him, tell her? Stress and hurt us killing me. I am most hurt that he hasn't even said sorry for putting me in this position.
12 Replies
Oh how horrible for you for many many reasons. There are so many implications here and possible out comes! I don't know what you should do :(
If he won't talk to you then he knows he is in deep shit.
Honestly, is call ur mum n ask her to come over, then tell her n show it to her. She deserves to know and if ur dad cared he would be trying to fix it with u and come out to your mum himself.
I was in a similar situation. I too found similar things & waited a year to tell my Mum. In the meantime the guilt ate at me & in the end she was upset that it took me so long to tell her & I let her live a lie for a year. If you don't tell your Mum, you will watch her give her everything to a man who hasn't given her his everything in return. She's your Mum, has given birth to you, raised you, always put you first, & would tell you if it were the other way around. Of course it will hurt her but she's better off in the long run than living a fake happiness. Nobody deserves to be treated that way. Set her free to find her happiness. Let her know. Good luck, x
If it were me in your situation, I would 100% tell my mum.
What a horrible position for you to be in :-(
If you tell your mum, your dad will be upset.. If you don't tell mum, she will be upset you didn't sooner.
It's a lose lose. She deserves to know..
Wow. What a tough situation.
He's taken the mature approach of a gentleman caught in the act and shut up!
I have no advice. It's a difficult situation but do you think your mom already knows?
It was on his computer. Just tell yoir mom that you got the wrong photos and videos from your dad and think he should take them off your computer because they are too personal and not something that you feel you should have.
Id guess he cant say sorry because he's still hoping you wont tell her & ignore it and it'll disappear, but cant actually bring himself to ask you outright because its such a low thing for a father to do to his daughter. Yep, he's taking the cowardly road of a man caught... Silence.
I would definitely tell your mum. Its will break her heart to know you knew and didn't tell her. Its embarrassing enough & you feel ridiculous and worthless and a joke to everyone else that knew & never told you. She needs to know. If you cant tell her just put it on a usb & give it to her with a note saying your dad accidentally saved this on your computer & she should look at it privately & you're sorry you were involved but you're there for her if she needs support.
Ooh yes i missed a step. Dont hit her with the images first. Firstly tell her you know dad has been having relations with women. Youve seen dirty photos ( in person or by message). And then give her a copy so she can choose if/ when she looks at it.
The problem with telling your dad to tell her is that you dont know what he will tell her, or even if he has told her anything, so youre still in an awkward position when the truth eventually comes out it could be years away. Plus he's already had all the time he's cheated to come clean and the last 2 weeks to get in first. I really think your mum deserves the whole truth and asap.
How would you feel in the situation? If someone saw your partner having an affair would you want them to tell you or keep it to themselves and you find out in the long run?? It's a hard situation and being your parents and all but look at it as if... Would you want to know if it was you. Hope this helps :)
Firstly, I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending you big hugs xox
If it were me in this position, I would try confront him again, tell him you are giving him a chance to come clean to your Mum himself. And if he brushes you off again, you need to tell your Mum. She deserves to know the truth and it would kill her if she discovered the truth and found out you knew but never told her.
I Would definitely be telling my mum no questions asked
I would give your dad a chance to tell her and if he doesn't tell her but be prepared for it to be a known thing.
Is there a possibility that they have an open relationship or are swingers? The ones you least expect can be the kinkiest
Far out. I'm still not sure what to say.
Your mum needs to know.
Whatever she chooses to do, let her know she has your support and no judgement.
Never show her the photos. They will never be erased from her mind.
Give your dad one chance to tell in a short time frame.