I am a single mum to a 9yo girl who is being assessed for add. She has no contact with her father and I get the occasional night off when she has a sleep over at my parents house. At the moment I am laying on my bed trying not to explode on my daughter. She constantly destroys her bedroom and she hasn't been in her toy room for a year as the floor is covered in crap. Her floor is literally covered in clothes and toys and books and any other crap there is and I mean covered. When I do the washing and am sorting out the clothes to put away I give her small piles of similar clothes to put away. Today I found the same shirt that I have washed 6 times and it hasn't been worn on the floor AGAIN. I am sick and tired of her covering her floor with clothes because she's too lazy to put 3 pairs of undies in the correct drawer or just shoves it all in the bottom of the cupboard. Nothing gets put away. She is on melatonin for sleep as sge gets bored in bed and pulls her clothes out of the drawers and changes her clothes 5 times and just leaves it on the floor. The walls in her room are drawn on. I just want to explode and scream and shout and smack her and hit walls. I asked her to fill a large storage tub with the shit off the floor and she is crying because I want her to sort it out. I want to walk away from this sometimes. I need help cleaning up the toyroom and her bedroom but am too embarressed to ask for help. Screaming and shouting doesn't work but neither does being nice . help me im lost.
4 Replies
As a mum with a kid with ASD, ADHD amongst other things the best thing I did was get locks on cupboards in my sons bedroom and some around the house. Keep locks on the doors and let her take a container of toys out a day. If she wants anything else she needs to ask for access. She can learn this. She can also learn to pack away toys with your help. Yes ADHD is bloody hard but they can learn and with meds and lots and lots of structure it gets so very much easier. It required a lot if supervision from me to manage in the beginning but now we don't have locks on the doors because over time he learnt self control. He also learnt that I'd be watching while putting things away so there was ok point trying to do it in a crappy way.
I also found having less stuff made a huge difference. More stuff just meant too much distraction and more stuff to create chaos with. So we kept the bare minimum if toys, and although that might sound counterproductive it wasn't. Because he played with what he had appropriately rather than creating chaos.
Also giving him as much time as possible in the garden, digging, climbing etc and at the park, riding bikes and scooters meant less time at home making mess, less time me being overwhelmed and so everything was just better. But those locks made life so much easier! Seriously no locks now, but I'd do it again in a second if I had to!
Let mum and dad help....divide it into boxes 5 in the shed 1 in the room at a time.....we no longer keep clothes in bedrooms they have a shared room/ walk in rob where all the drawers and cupboards are kept....they have a desk, small toy box and some book in their room....and some little pretty things but that's it.....bedrooms are for sleeping, time outs, reading, and even quiet time.......they arent a storage room.
You have to remember its not her fault that she carnt help it. My son was diagnosed adhd and all i use to do was yell and think he was a shit. But really he couldnt help it. Now he is on Concerta and the change in him is just amazing. He is top of the class listen to me and isnt abusive anymore. He does still play up but all kids do. Once u get diagnosed u will see the difference in her. But its all about routine and them being able to stop and think and thats what Concerta does slows there brain down so they can think.
I totally get where you are coming from, my son has recently been diagnosed with ADHD (a very long road), and what you have written has been my daily life (plus a lot of other things). I've read a few books that the counsellors and Paediatrician have recommended, and they have helped me to kind of understand what's going on (or not going on) in my sons head (therefore I know he cant help the way he is, therefore "I lose my shit" less) I don't know if it will help by try "understanding ADHD" by Christopher Green.