This isn't a question more a bit of advice for parents. Last weekend our Daughter went to a friends for a sleep over, both girls 12yrs old. They had had sleepovers at our home and at her house before.
We found out after this sleep over that not only had our daughter been allowed to walk an 8km round journey to the main shopping centre unsupervised but something dark disgusting and awful happened to her.
Her "friend" molested her. I know she was another 12yr old girl but that doesn't give her permission to grope and fondle our daughter, telling her she wouldn't be her friend if she didn't and would tell everyone at school she was a wuss if she didn't. This happened both over and under clothing and again when our daughter went to get changed into her pj's. This friend then went on to have a video chat with an adult male where in front of my daughter they both performed sex acts (our daughter saw but didn't participate in any acts) ...
We have reported the incident to the police and they are trying to track down this guy. They are writing off the incident with the girl as "kids" stuff as they don't want to chase a 12yr old child with obvious issues. As a mother I dont wish to put our daughter through having to re-tell the story over and over again but I"m angry, why? Because this child maybe she was abused and thats why she's done this to our daughter but it doesn't make it right. I was molested by two different males before I was 15 I never went on to molest others. We'd talked to our kids about never letting anyone touch you but I guess we never thought to also include kids of the same age & sex as them it was always never let any adult touch you.
Don't always assume the big baddie lurking the back ground is a drity old man it can be an unassuming 12yr old child. Part of our childs innocence is gone that can never be gotten back. She's seen things most don't see tll adults, and is trying to put it all behind her.
The police say she is a victim of sexual assault and have referred us onto counselling but she doesn't want to go, she told us about what happened she told the police now she wants to put it behind her.
As a mother I'm heartbroken for whats been taken away and the impact this will have on her which we won't fully know till later in her life. Love your kids and be the mean parent and don't let your guard down with anyone. Learn from our mistake of trusting people & kids we thought were friends.
5 Replies
Im soooo incredibly sorry to read this.
I hope you can all work past this and your daughter isn't traumatised by this. Getting onto professional help and continuing over a long period will bring you all better results, especially for a developing mind and brain.
It's absolutely disgusting and I hope this shit-male is found.
I am so angry for you and your girl. X
As a mother of 4 young girls (<5yrs) I am heart broken by your story. When the time comes, this will be part of the discussion I have with them.
I am not only absolutely devestated that this has happened to your daughter, but am infact disgusted the police are not going to at least speak to this other girl.If only to find out what if anything is going on with her. I dont think that would be classed as normal behaviour and believe someone needs to step in and find out about this other girl.
Child molesters do not change, they do no grow out of it and certainly need to be held accountable.
That being said, I am a survivor of child sexual abuse and I would strongly encourage your daughter to speak to someone about it. So she can process it and move on to a healthy happy adult life. I never sougt help (I was nine abusers were a teenage boy and much older man) and I found my adult life was effected in some of the worst ways. Along with my teen years. I was an alcoholic at 13 and put my life in danger alot. I am in no way saying this will happen to your daughter and I pray it never does but I am saying that it can eat her up inside without help from professionals.
Please know that you have every right to be angry, hurt, distrusting and sad at this situation.
Sending massive hugs to your daughter and whole family. Xx
Yep. Children can molest children. This is something I have included in my talks with my children about this subject. Kids can be kids but there is a line and children need to be aware of that. My son has had a boy 2 years older rub himself on him after he tackled him to the ground playing rugby, my son was only 8 but he didn't like it, told his friend to stop and he left and told me right away. Yeah it may have been just boys being boys and doing stupid shit but I was proud of my son for knowing that he didn't have to put up with it and that he could walk away from it.
I'm sorry to hear that your daughter has had to experience abuse. I would really stress to her the importance of getting counselling though. I am an abuse survivor and I know that these things don't always stay behind you and if they pop up later down the track the effects are worse. Counselling will help your daughter put it behind her for good which will help her in the future. Best wishes for your daughter x
In literature, the abuse your chid experienced is classified as "child to child sexual abuse" and it is one of the last taboos of sexual abuse. I am a survivor. Even some of the reserach done omits your daughter and I as it generally talks of an older child.
However, what it does usually talk about is a power imbalance: your daughter was at HER house so out of her own comfort zone. The girl also bullied her into it.
I suggest you seek councilling for your very real complex emotional responses. In time, your daughter will benifit from councilling too. But I'm not sure if I would drag her kicking and screaming.
And one final point, which literature did help me articulate...
There are "normal" boundaries to "kidstuff". It usually involves showing and comparing rather than giggling rather than penetration, bullying. This was something I had to pull my own psychiatrist up on!!!! (She sincerly apologized - it was NOT her area of expertise. I was lucky enough to receive councilling specifically for child to child sexual abuse where the person had researched it thankfully - seek expertise in this area )
Xxxxx