I recently posted about my ccontrolling ex about a month ago who told me I had BPD and he has to come to my drs appointments as i would lye and say i don't have this and if i should put his name in my unborn childs birth certificate.
I have taken an AVO out on him and have a court hearing coming up. I have been told not to list him as the father and if he is to fight me for DNA testing and custody that he will only possibly be entitled to supervised visits as he has been emotionally abusing his other daughter filming her upset and sending the videos to me.
I am now 22 weeks pregnant and am not feeling excited. I am scard that my child will turn out looking like him or worse be a psychopath like her dad (that is what the police and phycologets have labled him as). I have heard he has a new girlfriend and is out partying and going to brothels. This upsets me as I feel like how can he move on so fast but know psychopaths can't love but worse of all is i am going through this pregnancy alone and he is out partying like we don't exist. I have morales and christian values and hate to think that my child's father is becoming a man who sleeps around and goes into brothels. Where is his daughter when he is doing this. What upsets me is he will never be able to keep a steady relationship which means my child will grow up with women coming and going all the time in her life this is already starting to happen to his other daughter and i dont want this life style for my child.
I am in and out of the police station talking to DV counclers i feel like this is taking up all of my time preparing for my baby's arrival.
Is it normal to not be feeling excited? Some days i wake up and forget that im even pregnant.
Am i a horribe person for this? Some days i feel down that i am carrying his child and wish she was someone else's. But then i have to remind my slef that she is as much as mine too.
He would say im going to be a horribe mother at least once a day and this has played with my mind as i feel now i might be as im not excited.
Can any one tell me about DNA testing how it works what does it involve eg court hearings blood tests or how does he even find out when the baby is born as he will not be on the birth certificate?
If the AVO goes ahead and he gets to see the baby who will take my child to him as we will not be aloud to see eachother?
How do I prepare my slef and get my slef feeling excited?
Not feeling excited during my pregnancy
Not feeling excited during my pregnancy
Posted in:
Pregnancy
2 Replies
Big hugs, you are going through so much. You are being very strong.
I don't think I was excited about my pregnancy. It was definitely a surprise, but I'm just not one of those people who obsessed over what sex the baby was, what it might look like, who it might be etc. I kind of went with the flow and fell so very much in love the moment he arrived.
As far as worrying about your child and who they will turn out to be, who your child's father is will have no effect on your child's morals and ethics.
As far as finding out the birth of the baby, you don't need to tell him (and he doesn't need to know). The system when my son was born was when I signed up for parenting payment (single) at centrelink, centrelink referred me to a free lawyer whose job it was to chase the father for some form of proof he was the father. So the system was that the lawyer chased the father for him to sign a Parental Acknowledgment form. If he wouldn't sign then they would lodge paperwork at the court to compel DNA testing. The DNA test does not hurt the baby. It is very simple. However you may be able to get an exemption from doing all this from centrelink because of the domestic violence. You could ring centrelink and ask to speak to a social worker about this and they can explain it all to you. I would talk to the social worker before you have the baby.
He might not get access to his child but if he wants time with his child he will have to take you through the mediation process. You might want to talk to a family dispute resloution centre in your area to discuss the process. There are special supervisition centres that exist so visitation will be supervised by a professional so you wont have to see the father. He will be very closely monitored and you could probably ask that he doesn't bring girlfriends to the visits. But even if he did bring them, the visits are very short so girlfriends would have non more influence on your child than a stranger stopping to say hello.
I would ask your doctor to refer you to your own psychologist as I can imagine you'd need ongoing support. But I would try and spend 20 minutes a day where you do something 'baby' wether thats getting the babies things washed, massaging your tummy, doing some shopping.
Can you not just say you don't know who the dad is? I know that will be a little bit embarrassing (I'd be embarrassed for ppl to think that about me) but it could be the best option for you and the child given the DV situation....
There are plenty of people, I'm sure who have children and they are unsure who the father is so I'd say that'd be the simplest way around it? Although I'm not 100% sure as I've never been in this situation.
As for not being excited, I'd say that's SO normal. Look at all the uncertainty surrounding your bubs arrival! I think you're probably just anxious about the possibility of your daughter having to have contact with this monster and so that's what is making you not excited. By the sounds of it, you love her very much already, otherwise you wouldn't be fighting as hard as you are to protect her!
Keep fighting mumma, your little girl deserves it! You're doing the right thing and you're taking back control from him! Xx