My husband and I separated 6m ago and we have a 2.5 year old daughter. I am really struggling and want to know how other parents handle things. Her dad has her 2 days a week and she lives with me the remainder of the time. I work 30 hours a week though so I try treasure the often limited time we have together. Problem is, she is a complete terror when with me yet apparently an angel when with her dad. I suffered from pnd after she was born and always worry we still dont have that intense bond other mums have with their children. I thought I was past it but maybe I am still dealing with it...I hate myself for saying this but most of the time I dont enjoy motherhood. Please no judgement. I am so grateful to have her..and I know toddlers are hard work. But surely there have to be some nice moments amongst the bad? I dont know if I feel this way because there are still underlying depression issues or is it just because she is not an affectionate child and she is very destructive. She whinges constantly and it just breaks me. It was like this before the split but worse now. I feel guily as I know this is hard for her...I do everything I can to make her happy, play with her, spend quality time, but a lot of the time I just feel like a useless mother and guilty because I feel my kid seems to hate me. She just asks for her dad all the time and it breaks my heart. Is it just all 2 year olds or am I just not a good mum. Is it normal to feel this way? I am so grateful I really am, but I just just cannot cope with motherhood, keeping our home in order and finding me time to digest everything that has happened. When she is happy I feel happy, but it isnt often. It seems she saves it all for her dad. I am so broken over all of this. Surely I am not the only mum who feels rejected by their child?
5 Replies
Honestly, I think it's time to go back and seek professional help. It sounds like emotionally you are struggling and once you get that sorted you will feel more confident in your relationship with your daughter.
Yeah dad probably does have more fun. He only has her two days a week and that's way easier! He has plenty of time to himself and only has to manage two days.
I'd take myself back to my GP and discuss what is going on with my feelings. Get a referral to a psychologist. They can help you to the nitty gritty of what is going on.
2 year olds are really hard work. They are in to everything! It might be time to house proof where you live. Child locks on cupboards, baby gates across areas you don't want her to go. Ornaments etc up high where she can't get to. It can really ease some of the stress.
Heya mum - hugs for you! It can't be easy what you're going through...
My only suggestion would be to 'upskill' - kids, like a career, need work and updated skills as they grow and transition, or they will walk all over you and not be nice to be around! One of my favourite books is 'Have a new kid by Friday' by Kevin Leman.
Please give yourself some grieving time and grace also... This is all new and you're probably still adapting to it all - while the world keeps on moving too!! You deserve a MASSIVE pat on the back! You've gone through so much and still standing. Well done.
Big hugs and I hope some other mums in a similar situation can offer helpful advice too x
OP here. I just noticed the responses here and on Facebook and I am overwhelmed at the kindness and support shown by you ladies. I feel so much better and thank you from the bottom of my heart x
She probably feels more comfortable at your house hence why she behaves at her dads. Also not gonna lie, I hated that age! I couldn't even take my son to the corner shop for milk when he was that age as he would find something to have a meltdown about. He is now 5 and a shy, sweet happy boy. Perhaps you need to seek professional help again. Good luck x
Honestly i could have written this myself.. instead of my marraige breaking down my dad passed away.. you are not alone.. i feel exactly the same way about my 2 year old daughter.. she loves her dad more than me and it hurts my feelings in a big way. . I dont know how i go on everyday but us mums just do.. thats how you know your doing it right.. because you go back and do it all again the next day.. good luck xx