Sorry for the long one, but thank you for taking the time to read. My step daughter is 2.5. I also have a 4 year old son. My partner & I have my stepdaughter (his daughter) 80% of the time, & when she isn't with us, she goes to daycare because her biological mother works. My problem is with he biological mother. Just the other morning, my stepdaughter was dropped off to me for the day. Her hair was knotty, with dried food through it & so greasy. It seemed she hadn't had her hair washed in days. She went back to her mother that night & we got her back yesterday morning & her hair was even dirtier, she had a smell coming off her & when we went to bathe the poor girl, we discovered her mothers neglect & lack of hygiene had caused a massive rash, spreading from her bum right to her vagina. She was so sore & just cried as I tried to put some cream on to sooth her. She is not in nappies so this is not a nappy rash. She also stunk down there. Her mother had her for a total of three nights this last week, & didn't give her even one bath! Is this neglect? What can I do? We are taking her to the doctor to have it medically documented just in case this continues, & just in case she has thrush or something & needs antibiotics, & we are keeping a journal of all the things we feel are neglect with the dates they occur. This is not the first time. Once a few months ago my step daughter was at our house one day, stayed at her mothers overnight & was dropped off the next morning in the same clothes, knickers, socks & all. I cannot continue to see my poor beautiful step daughter treated like this. Her mother is pregnant & works, but it's not hard to bath my stepdaughter before bed after tea. What do other Mums think of this? And is there anything I can actually do? We are in Victoria.
7 Replies
I'd be tempted to put an anonymous complaint in to the relevant authorities. Then it's up to them to assess and judge the seriousness. Also as there is a new baby on the way that is extra concerning as energy will be spread even thinner. It's concerning that the mother doesn't at least clean the daughter up (and pretend to be doing the right thing) that says to me that she is oblivious or doesn't care she isn't doing the right thing.
Hi, thank you for your response. I'm the original poster. The only problem with us reporting this to authorities, is that she can fight that she did it, especially once the rash starts clearing up, which is why I'm getting it medically documented by the doctor. There's no way we are able to prove the smell or lack of hygiene unless we keep her unwashed until authorities check the situation out. I don't think we stand a chance.
Do you know the condition of the house they are living in? I'm wondering if it's a pig sty? You could document and take her to mediation to get full custody? It might frighten her enough to lift her game. If you haven't seen the house I'd be getting your partner to do a drive by, or drop in unannounced or even organising to pick your step daughter up from her mums so he can get a look. I would be suspecting that you have just seem the tip of the iceberg
We have only ever seen the front hallway of her house, & there's nothing in it. There will never be a time where we'll be able to see any further as we aren't on good terms with her, especially not now.
No mutual friends you could suss it out with?
I would be seeking legal advice, ask are youbest going for full custody straight up or reporting it to docs and taking it from there. And yes your doing the right thing, document everything as best you can.
Maybe You should get your partner to speak to her mother about it. Wouldn't you be Better off talking to her about it before as going off and calling docs? Atleast she is working, and really one day later still in the same clothes, is that really neglect?